The Slice: Do you need a watercraft?

SO MAYBE YOU’VE asked yourself. “Do I harbor latent urges to operate personal watercraft?” Well, the only way to find out is to take The Slice’s Jet-Ski Personality Profile Quiz.

1. Does your pulse quicken when you are around things that go “Vrooooom vrooooom vrooooom”?

2. Would bonking a fish on the head cost you no lost sleep?

3. Do you assume anyone using the phrase “noise pollution” is a Communist?

4. Do you enjoy incoherent yelling?

5. Do you act like you’ve had six beers all the time?

6. Are you a tad wild-eyed?

If you answered “Yes” to all six, you do, in fact, have personal watercraft longings.

So you have two choices. You can try it. Or you can get some therapy.

“ Slice answer: “Our PE class in 1975-76 at Medical Lake High School consisted of a bunch of freshmen, a few sophomores, and the seniors on the varsity football and basketball teams,” wrote Spokane’s Dan Pederson. “When we played, it was the seniors against the freshmen and sophomores, and you can guess who was the prey. Usually it was pretty painful.

“But there was one wonderful day where I was able to rise above my freshman mortality and play like a champ. I was the last person on our team, and they could not get me out. I caught balls, I jumped over them, and outran the seniors for what seemed like the whole period.

“In the end, I was put down like all the rest. But in the locker room after class, I was actually spoken to by seniors, with a little respect, rather than shoved in a locker or thrown in the shower with my clothes on.

“While most people might think this is a silly thing to remember, I see it as a win for the good guys, a triumph of good over evil, and a pretty significant event in a tortured freshman’s life.”

“ Catch a wave: Americans of a certain age and cultural background might as well resign themselves to the fact that Beach Boys songs will always be a part of summer’s soundtrack. No matter how old we get or how much we learn about that group’s troubled history, those songs aren’t going away.

So we almost have no choice but to argue about which of those tunes are the best. Here are The Slice’s picks.

1. “God Only Knows.” 2. “Wouldn’t It Be Nice.”

3. ” ‘Til I Die.” 4. “In My Room.” 5. “Don’t Worry Baby.”

6. “California Girls.” 7. “Caroline, No.” 8. “Good Vibrations.” 9. “Help Me, Rhonda.” 10. “All Summer Long.”

11. “The Little Girl I Once Knew.” 12. “Surfer Girl.” 13. “Sloop John B.” 14. “Do You Wanna Dance?” 15. (tie) “Barbara Ann” and “Wendy.”

16. “Please Let Me Wonder.” 17. “The Warmth of the Sun.” 18. (tie) “Darlin’ ” and “Let Him Run Wild.” 19. “I Get Around.” 20. “Fun, Fun, Fun.”

OK, your turn.

“ Today’s Slice question: How many push-ups could you do before you’d start to cheat?