End-of-life support
For 22 hours each day, Valerie Vanderpool supervises her husband, Tom. The end-stages of emphysema have altered Tom’s thinking. Since a hospitalization in April, Tom lives in the past and converses with relatives who have already departed from this world. When she isn’t by his bedside, Vanderpool relies on a baby monitor and bed alarm to keep her husband safe.
For two hours each day, Monday through Friday, Vanderpool gets a small reprieve. Volunteers descend upon her Hayden home to fulfill a mission: No One Shall Die Alone. The ecumenical NOSDA group was created to provide support and companionship to those with a terminal diagnosis and their families. Six local churches provide volunteers and no religious affiliation is required.
To Vanderpool, the group is a blessing.
“Each day I have two hours that I can get something done,” she said.
She’s used her “break time” for outdoor chores, running for groceries or having lunch with a friend. She feels comfortable leaving her husband of 24 years with a NOSDA member because they receive training to deal with Tom’s unusual behaviors. They don’t bat an eye when he reports the scorpions and cats he sometimes sees in his bed.
“All of these NOSDA people understand this,” she said. “That’s what makes it so wonderful when I go away. Most of them have experienced this one way or another. They converse with him and roll with him on whatever he’s talking about.”
Tom was typical of many who are given a terminal diagnosis. He wanted to be at home. His request, plus their lack of long-term care insurance, convinced Vanderpool that she should take him home with Hospice support.
Hospice of North Idaho and Kootenai Medical Center have been meeting together for two years to identify ways that they can improve care for those at the end of life. One outcome was the formation of the North Idaho End-of-Life Coalition, which presented results of a community survey last month. From a random sample of 2,900 adults in Benewah, Kootenai and Shoshone counties, 619 surveys were returned and the results analyzed.
Nearly 100 percent of those surveyed desire to die at home and not be a burden to their families. Nearly 100 percent desire to be free from pain. A large majority desires to be at peace spiritually, and about half are afraid of dying alone.
NOSDA volunteers hope to make a difference for community members who don’t have family or friends able or willing to sit by a person who is dying. The group began after a request from Father Roger LaChance to St. Pius X Catholic Church members two years ago. A man was dying of cancer and his wife could only be at his bedside during a portion of the day. Chuck and Monica Finan were asked to lend a helping hand.
Chuck Finan is a deacon candidate for the Diocese of Boise. He and his wife found four other parishioners to join the bedside vigil. After the man died, Finan couldn’t get him out of his mind.
“It kept bugging me,” he said.
Then Finan was assigned a project for his deacon candidacy. He was to develop an exercise that would serve as an example of what he would do in his parish.
“The light came on,” he said.
A year later, NOSDA has helped approximately 12 families with 1,000 volunteer hours. Finan doesn’t plan to stop now, because the community has an obvious need. The mix of faith groups allows for a diverse approach of support. Prayers are offered, but evangelizing is not permitted in order to respect the religious beliefs of all who are dying.
“We’re there to hold hands and be the bridge from now into hereafter,” Finan said. “We let them know someone’s there to love them.”
Finan was struck by the disparity in the results of the community’s end-of-life survey. Although most people surveyed said they didn’t want to be a burden to their family, few have made the necessary preparations. The survey revealed that 64 percent have not signed a Living Will or assigned Power of Attorney for Health Care. Nearly 100 percent have not talked to clergy or their physician about wishes for end-of-life care.
Finan’s volunteers are available upon request to visit nursing homes and private homes. Finan is a retired contractor and has social workers, school counselors and nurses in his group of 36. He’d like more men, since only two have joined.
“The only thing we ask is that they are loving and caring,” he said.
The next training session will be scheduled as soon as 20 new volunteers have signed on. The orientation includes tips from hospice workers, pastors and current volunteers. They learn how to communicate with terminal patients and their families. Monthly support meetings are scheduled for volunteers to discuss their experiences and relieve emotional stress.
Peggy Coleman heard about the group through her involvement with Lake City Community Church in Coeur d’Alene. Because she lost two husbands to cancer, the group’s mission struck a chord.
“I feel no one should die alone,” she said. “Part of living is dying. People should be exposed to it.”
Her first husband died in the hospital while her children were small. She wasn’t there in the middle of the night when he died. Coleman kept her second husband at home with the help of hospice. He died within 15 months of their move from California to North Idaho. Her new friends and church were good to her so she considers her work with NOSDA a way of giving back.
“This is the least I could do,” she said.
Memories of her lost spouses return at time, but Coleman finds her efforts rewarding, especially in the case of a woman who was predicted to be near life’s end. Once volunteers started spending time with her, the woman perked up. Coleman brought in movies to watch, played music and painted the woman’s fingernails.
“I’d talk to her as if she was one of my girlfriends,” Coleman said.
Then something unexpected happened. The woman lived.
Although the original concept of NOSDA was to help people who were within days of dying, volunteers find that when they visit, the person may live months longer. Volunteers don’t know whether it is their silent prayers or having the companionship of a caring person. They see the extra time as a chance for the terminally ill to resolve differences with family members or bring peace between themselves and God.
Volunteers say they feel a holy presence at the hour of death. They believe they sit in the company of angels. They witness peaceful exits and departing smiles.
Coleman plans to return to California soon to be near her family. She will bring along the NOSDA concept and hopes to start a group there.
“We’re supposed to help others,” Coleman said. “Treat others how you want to be treated. If the tables were turned, I’d like someone to be there for me.”