Shaq a bringer of hope
MIAMI — You saw how much comes tethered to him.
A carnival. A comedy club. A championship chance.
Shaquille O’Neal is so large that he comes with a wake, and what you found bobbing in at his unprecedented welcoming party Tuesday afternoon was applause, joy, awe, laughter and hope.
Mostly hope.
And if first impressions mean anything, the Miami Heat has already won.
No need to actually play the games. Before a basketball has been bounced, we’ve already had our confetti and parade.
So where’s our bleeping trophy already, Shaq?
O’Neal said all the right things Tuesday, in Spanish and English, during an introduction that was both formal and informal — formal in that the largest star in sports wore an expensive suit with enough fabric to tent your house, informal in that a smiling O’Neal kept making jokes about, among other things, his butt, his sexiness and how much he was looking forward to nude walks on the beach.
This was a Madonna-Meets-Marino extravaganza, part rock star and part sports star, complete with O’Neal changing outfits four times during the performance — from T-shirt to Cuban guayabera to suit to full Heat uniform.
He looked real good in those colors. That’s important, and not just because of South Beach’s superficiality. The only criticism of O’Neal throughout his career has been a meandering focus that can lead to weight gain and injuries, but those muscled 340 pounds looked Tuesday like they have been sculpted by God’s own hand. And, motivated, agitated, invigorated, a renewed O’Neal, 32, promised to be in the best shape of his life by the start of the basketball season because he knows very little is sexier than a winner.
He was wounded by the way things ended with his crumbling dynasty in Los Angeles, with the sniping and blame and questions that got him sent here for Lamar Odom, Brian Grant and Caron Butler, so he arrives in a vengeful mood, intent on reminding those who dare question him why he remains the greatest center in the galaxy.
“You put a guy in front of me who eats salad, cucumbers and baked chicken all day, and I will kick his expletive,” O’Neal said when asked about his weight. “I’m going to be on a mission. I’ve handled my personal vendettas and handled them well. Every challenge you put in front of me, I’ve handled it, dismantled it — ate them, dropped them off in the bathroom and flushed them away.”
He talks like that, going from mumbled whisper to colorful toilet talk in less time than it takes a TV camera’s red light to go on. He showed you a glimpse of how comfortable he is in front of those cameras during his press conference. He showing off his Spanish (he said he wanted kisses from pretty girls). He showed off his salesmanship (he asked people who couldn’t afford to come to the arena by boat to come by raft). He showed off his sarcasm by referring to himself in the rare third-person nickname (“The people who know the Deisel, know what I’m coming to do, period. P…E…R…E…U…D.”).
And, over and over, he showed off his smile.