Focus on child, not on rudeness of strangers
Dear Annie: We have a 4-year-old autistic son, although there is nothing about his physical appearance to indicate he suffers from a developmental disability.
Our son is unable to speak and has social problems, including occasional yelling, hitting us if he hears another child cry, and throwing himself on the floor if he doesn’t want to go where we need to take him.
The problem is that perfect strangers feel comfortable saying things like, “What a horrible little boy!” or, “Why don’t you spank him?” “Make him be quiet!” and “What lousy parenting skills.” One woman got right in my son’s face and yelled, “Bad, bad boy!”
We often get hateful and judgmental looks, which are awful enough, but these comments are terribly hurtful and embarrassing to our son and to us. We are doing the best we can, and through special-ed preschool and private therapy sessions, my son has made huge improvements.
We have tried explaining to these people that our son is autistic, but we are annoyed that they are so quick to judge us. We fear our son is in for a lifetime of ridicule. How should we handle these rude people? — Frustrated Parents in Illinois
Dear Frustrated: It’s unfortunate that you cannot stop complete strangers from being rude. And you do not owe them an explanation for your son’s behavior, although it must be tempting to shame them with the honest information.
Instead, concentrate on your son’s response, because he is the one who must learn to deal with such unkind remarks. He will need your unconditional love and support to strengthen his self-worth and tactics for ignoring unwarranted insults. You can find suggestions and help by contacting the Autism Society of America ( www.autism-society.org), 7910 Woodmont Ave., Suite 300, Bethesda, MD 20814.
Dear Annie: My friend and I have been having an argument, and we’d like your opinion. If a man offers to buy a woman a drink at a bar and the woman accepts, is she sending him a message that she is interested in him?
I believe that the woman should not accept a drink unless she wants to chat, because otherwise, she is taking advantage of him. My girlfriend, however, will accept a drink from any man who offers, thank him and promptly walk away. I think this is wrong. What do you think? — Party Girl in Ft. Wayne, Ind.
Dear Party Girl: We think your friend is going to get into trouble one of these days. Accepting a man’s offer for a drink most definitely gives the impression that you’d like to get to know him better. Your friend should not accept drinks from men she has no interest in. It is unfair, deceitful and potentially dangerous.
Dear Annie: What can I do about people who hold seats for late-coming relatives or friends? At local school functions for our children, I’ve seen as many as seven seats held by one person.
I think people should simply take these open seats. My wife says that would be impolite. I don’t understand how that is any more offensive than holding seats for people who show up in the middle of the event, or not at all.
What is your suggestion for approaching this situation? — Steamed in Oregon
Dear Steamed: If a seat is being held for Hubby, who is parking the car, or for Mom, who has difficulty walking, we have no objection. But reserving an entire row for people who are late is not acceptable. We say, five minutes before the event begins, all seats are up for grabs. Latecomers are on their own.