Have attendees bring memories, not buffet entree

Dear Annie: My husband died a few months ago, and per his wishes, there was no funeral. However, now his mother and I would like to have a memorial picnic and invite my husband’s close friends, family and coworkers to spend a casual day remembering him. Is there any particular etiquette regarding this type of memorial? We are thinking of serving barbecued chicken, hot dogs and salads, but it would be difficult to know how much food we need because we don’t know how many people will show up. Would it be appropriate to make this a “potluck” memorial for anyone who cares to bring a dish? How else can we make it special? — Texas Dear Texas: The food selection is unimportant, although we aren’t crazy about the “potluck” idea, mostly because it means the duties of hosting then belong to all attendees. Since this is your late husband’s memorial, that seems inappropriate. When you call to invite people, ask them to bring along their memories of your late husband. Also ask if they think they will be able to attend, and plan accordingly. Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Sorry Daughter,” who discovered a poem among her late mother’s possessions that read, “If you ever loved me, tell me now.” She said it broke her heart to think her mother felt unloved. I grew up in a house where love was not expressed verbally. I, too, have had that poem in my wallet for many years. Now I think I will add a short explanation to it, so my daughters won’t misunderstand when they find it later. I can count on one hand the number of times I told my mother that I loved her. It’s been over 20 years since she died. If I were granted a day to spend with any person who ever lived, I would pick my mother, just so I could tell her that. — Peace to You Dear Peace: That letter touched something in our readers. Here’s more: From Out East: I am a very shy person and would not think of writing to you until I saw the letter from “Sorry Daughter.” I hope she will rethink why her mother kept that poem. I have had this same poem taped to my bedroom mirror for years. I cherish it and want my children to see it after I die because it shows them the happiness they brought me, and how sad my life would have been without their love. I love my children and their families beyond words and want them to know. Midwest: My mother, who died 10 years ago, had the same poem on her refrigerator. I always felt it was directed toward my father — a career military officer who found it impossible to verbally express his love for her. He was a caring husband, but even when faced with the message on the refrigerator, he could not go to her with the words she longed to hear before she died. I take comfort in believing that after her passing, she was able to see things from a different perspective and forgive him, as I have. I no longer have the poem, but would love to see it appear again in its entirety, since it seems to mean so much to so many people. Dear Midwest: That poem is called “The Time is Now.” We do not know the author, but several readers asked us to print it. Here it is: If you are ever going to love me, Love me now, while I can know The sweet and tender feelings, Which from true affection flow. Love me now, While I am living. Do not wait until I’m gone, And then have it chiseled in marble, Sweet words on ice-cold stone. If you have tender thoughts of me, Please, tell me now, If you wait until I am sleeping, Never to awaken, There will be death between us, And I won’t hear you then. So, if you love me, even a little bit, Let me know it while I am living, So I can treasure it.