City Council shows how to get along

On Monday afternoon, I walked over to Spokane City Council offices and hunted down the seven council members. They looked weary; 1,700 citizens had called that day about the Comcast utility fee hike. They also looked a bit worried. What did the media want now?

I extended my hand and said, “Thank you!” That was all I wanted.

I thanked them for acting so civil this past year, despite tackling difficult tasks – the no-money-anywhere budget and the settling of that dang garage issue. Wow.

I thanked them for doing whatever it took to turn around the scream-and-sue reputation the council was famous for in years past. And I thanked them for providing hope for families who will gather over the next few days for the holidays.

If your family is in the middle of a bad spell, just hold on. Things will change. If it happened for Spokane’s City Council, it can happen for you.

After I shook their hands, I asked the council members, “How did it happen?”

“We ran out of gas,” joked Al French. He was handing out wrapped Christmas chocolates to fellow council members. They teased him about wearing a tie.

“We agreed to disagree and not take it personally,” said Cherie Rodgers.

“We check our egos at the door,” said Brad Stark.

Joe Shogan, Mary Verner and Bob Apple boiled it down to one word: respect.

Dennis Hession campaigned for council president on a platform of civility and a recommitment to Robert’s Rules of Order. He kept the promises. Yet he called me Tuesday to make certain I understood that the credit for civility belongs with his fellow council members. He didn’t want to toot his own horn. That’s how much things have changed over there.

Other factors played into the change, too. Council members elected in 2003 were well aware of the previous council’s crabby reputation. They were determined not to continue the public crabbiness. And some of the council longtimers probably decided to behave in front of the newcomers, just as families often act more civil when in-laws come to holiday dinner for the first time. A solid relationship with Mayor Jim West and his staff has helped, too.

But there wasn’t one person or one event behind the council’s transformation. Part of it was learning from past mistakes. Part of it was simply the passage of time.

And truth be told: That old fightin’ council was never as rancorous as reputed. And this current one will have its public squabbles, too, and certainly has enjoyed some private ones. Nothing is as good/bad/black/white as journalists paint it or memory recalls it. This happens in families, too.

The truth of any family gathering is captured in the smiling holiday photos as well as in the scenes that happen before and after. In the photos, you won’t often see the squabbling 4-year-olds, the sneak-the-wine teens, the sullen midlifers, the needy oldsters. But the smiling and the surly are both part of the glorious mess known as family holidays. Some years are simply messier than others.

In my after-hours life, I’ve been co-writing books on marriage for Paulist Press, a Catholic publisher. Longtime married couples we’ve interviewed have this advice for newlyweds: Be patient during the “worse” times. They will pass.

Sara Davidson describes this dynamic in her book “Loose Change.” She writes of marriage: “There will be problems and you can’t fix them overnight, maybe you can’t fix them for years, but it’s all right, they’ll be resolved over time. Things will get better and bad again and better and bad again and that’s your marriage.”

And that’s your family.

And that’s your workplace.

And that’s your city council.

And that’s your state and federal government.

And that’s your presidency.

And that’s your life.

And that’s my holiday-week message, for better and for worse.