Playing Cop Mark Fuhrman Dabbles In Detective Work On Radio Show
Welcome to the battle of the Radio Know-It-Alls. This is also known as the Mike Fitzsimmons-Mark Fuhrman talk show on KXLY-AM, every Thursday from 3 to 6 p.m.
Fuhrman, of course, is the retired Los Angeles police detective who became famous, or infamous, in the O.J. Simpson case. Since Jan. 8, he has also become semi-famous for being Spokane’s best-known talk-show host.
My assignment was to listen to six solid hours of the show (the Feb. 12 and Feb. 19 installments), and to give a critical assessment.
I’m still trying to recover from this ordeal. First of all, I had to listen to several coy references to the O.J. case, such as this:
Fuhrman: “What was that case not too long ago, almost four years ago? Some murder case?”
Fitzsimmons: “Oh, that case. I heard he got off.”
For the most part, though, it was a lot like sitting through dinner with that smug Uncle Ned Who Knows Everything. However, the saving grace of this show is there are two People Who Know Everything. With two People Who Know Everything, they sometimes know everything differently, which results in an entertaining segment of “When Egos Collide.”
This was especially true during a lengthy segment on UFO conspiracies. Fuhrman, to my surprise, turned out to be a big believer in UFO conspiracies. If anybody should know the dangers (and laziness) of conspiracy-thinking, it should be Mark Fuhrman, the man who was falsely accused of the conspiracy to plant the Bloody Glove.
Still, Fuhrman had this to say about the official explanations of the Roswell UFO incident: “Anybody who believes the weather-balloon scenario gotta really have - you know, take their brain out and play with it. That’s ridiculous.”
I found myself being grateful to Fitzsimmons, who has the intellectual discipline to demand some proof before he believes something.
“Now I happen to be an attorney by education, so I’m looking for what would hold up in terms of evidence,” Fitzsimmons said about UFO reports. “There’s always a hole in it someplace.”
Later he accused Fuhrman of “a leap of faith, not supported by evidence.”
They became so tied up in this debate that their guest on the phone, a UFO conspiracy theorist, had to break in at one point and plead, “May I speak? May I speak?”
Getting a word in edgewise is not always easy.
Speaking of words, Fitzsimmons might be a little pompous, but at least he knows how to speak coherently. Half of Fuhrman’s utterances defy translation.
Here are a couple of verbatim Fuhrman quotes:
A question to a guest about James Earl Ray: “What is the reasoning that he went along with this conspiracy mainly because he’s the one incarcerated forever?”
Speculating on a serial killer’s M.O.: “It almost seems to me that, at whatever point he gets them to trust them, trust him close enough to get control of them, it’s gone.”
Both Fitzsimmons and Fuhrman like to continually remind people about how smart they are (“that’s exactly what I said months ago,” is a typical Fuhrmanism). And they both have their areas of expertise: Fuhrman as a former detective, and Fitzsimmons as a man with a Gonzaga law degree (although he has never practiced). So they are on relatively solid ground when they stick to the nominal subject of the show, which is crime.
Fuhrman demonstrates considerable knowledge about how police investigations work and how police officers think. Sometimes he is even insightful.
However, he also freely offers his judgment on cases that he can’t possibly be an expert in. For instance, he speculated at length on the JonBenet Ramsey case, concluding that she was the victim of an accidental homicide and that “everything else was a cover-up to protect one or both.”
Maybe he’s right, but as a former detective he should be the first to realize that crucial information may not be known to the general public, not even to a talk-show host in Spokane. I’ll wager that he had no patience for this kind of cocksure media speculation back in the days when he was a detective.
But the grand prize for speculation goes to the pair’s continuing coverage of the serial killings in Spokane. On their first broadcast, Fuhrman said he would “give a digit off his right hand to be one of the detectives on this case.” The Spokane police haven’t exactly begged for his help, but it hasn’t stopped the two of them from playing detective. They have gone out and tramped around in the brush where the bodies have been found.
“I’m soppin’ wet,” said Fitzsimmons, opening one broadcast. “Fuhrman and I have just been out doing some field research.”
Granted, Fuhrman knows more about working a case like this than the average schmo. Also, he probably does have some inside knowledge, picked up from police contacts.
However, Fuhrman has an insufferable, condescending way of playing the Big Gun from the big city, offering his expertise to the little people.
“I know one thing, if this case was in L.A., there would probably be no less than 20 detectives working on this, plus clerical-administrative people behind the scenes,” said Fuhrman, commenting about Spokane’s four-detective task force.
Maybe Fitzsimmons and Fuhrman believe they’ll have to solve these crimes themselves. They are continually soliciting tips - not to a police tip line, but to the radio station.
“There’s been some pretty interesting, pretty compelling information,” said Fitzsimmons, who passes these tips along to the police.
Fitzsimmons and Fuhrman believe, somewhat grandiosely, that everybody involved in this case is listening to them , and I do mean everybody.
“He (the killer) is probably listening to this show,” said Fuhrman at one point.
“Maybe the task force guys who are listening, and I know you are, could tell us about this,” said Fitzsimmons at another point (they failed to take up his offer).
Meanwhile, the callers to the show are convinced that Fuhrman and Fitzsimmons are the city’s saviors.
“I just appreciate what you have done for the city,” one caller said to Fuhrman. “Thanks for all you have done here.”
Which would be …?
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Staff illustration by Bridget Sawicki