Addict Needs Rehab To Rejoin Human Race

Dear Ann Landers: I am 46 and look great - no gray hair, very few wrinkles and tons of energy. I am funny and have a lot of friends. I am also in love with a drug addict.

“Keith” is seven years younger than me and has a bleak future.

He can’t hold a job because cocaine keeps him up for days at a time, and then, he crashes. He doesn’t go out with anyone but me, locks himself up in his house alone and is definitely paranoid.

I know Keith loves me, and it hurts both of us that he can’t stop taking cocaine. When he is clean, Keith is the most caring, tender man I’ve ever known. I remember all the wonderful times we have had in the past, and I know things would be perfect between us if he would only stop using drugs.

Keith has increased his cocaine use to the point where he cannot go without it. He has tried to quit but without success. I refuse to have anything to do with him when he is using, which now goes on for months at a time.

I’ve been with Keith for seven years, and I can’t take it anymore. I’ve tried Al-Anon and spent thousands of dollars in therapy, but it’s time to give up. I can no longer bear the pain of seeing Keith do this to himself. It breaks my heart. But I have finally realized that I cannot compete with the power of cocaine.

I hope my letter will help someone else. If you can offer any words of wisdom, I’d appreciate it, Ann. - Name Withheld in California

Dear California: Tell Keith as you go out the door that if he truly wants to rejoin the human race, he should call the national help lines at 1-800-DRUG-HELP (1-800-378-4435). (Write it out for him.) If he is willing to make an effort, I recommend for you both Co-Dependents Anonymous, P.O. Box 33577, Phoenix, AZ 85067-3577, and Nar-Anon Family Group, Box 2562, Palos Verdes Peninsula, CA 90274.

Of course, Keith must be willing to go into rehab or nothing will help him kick the habit. Good luck to you both.

Dear Ann Landers: It’s happened again for the second time since I gave birth to a stillborn son in April. The first time, a woman called from a photo studio about a month after his birth, addressing me by my first name, congratulating me and asking to schedule a sitting for the baby’s picture. When I told her we had lost our child, she expressed condolences and then immediately tried to interest me in a portrait of myself and my husband. I hung up on her.

The very next day, I received a handwritten letter from a stranger in a neighboring town, along with various religious pamphlets on how to raise a child “the way God intends.” The letter, once again addressing me by my first name, congratulated us on our new baby boy and then went on about how wonderful April must have been with our new baby. I promptly wrote the man a note, informing him that our baby was born dead and April will always remind us of our heartache. I returned all his literature and suggested that he check more carefully before attempting to “enrich” the lives of new parents.

Ann, please warn solicitors to be careful about contacting new parents. Tell them to confirm the information before they mail any offers or make any phone calls. They could be reminding parents of a tragedy rather than a happy event. - Kettering, Ohio

Dear Ohio: Yours is not the first letter I have received on this subject. I doubt these insensitive hawkers will pay attention, so the only way for parents to protect themselves is to hang up the phone and tear up the mail immediately.