Health Concerns, Etiquette Go Hand In Hand

Dear Miss Manners: My inquiry does not rank among the serious issues of social behavior, but perhaps it is worthy of a footnote in the annals of dining customs. Here it is:

We have noted that certain friends, when having breakfast at home and applying butter and jelly to the breakfast toast, always first place the butter/jelly on their plate, then on the toast. Our family does not follow this practice, but merely places the butter/jelly directly on the toast. It seems to me that eliminating this intermediate stop confers two benefits - the plate is not unnecessarily dirtied with butter/jelly, and the supply of butter/jelly is not unnecessarily depleted by the unused residue left on the plate.

But very likely there is more to this situation than these considerations alone. Perhaps you could explain to us what the background is for this practice, and whether there are functional reasons (hygiene, perhaps) in its favor.

Gentle Reader: Sometimes Miss Manners thinks she should come up with a list of health considerations to match every single etiquette rule. Nobody seems able to comprehend why decent behavior is needed, but the minute you invoke health, everyone jumps.

She can manage one with the buttering rule all right, although she can’t really put her heart into it. People who eat breakfast also kiss each other, so how much hygienic protection do they expect?

What is missing from your account is the master butter knife or jelly server. A jelly server is a funny little asymmetrical flat thing that makes everybody ask what on earth it is. It is not to be confused with a jelly knife for cutting aspic, which startles people even more, because it looks like a small scythe, and they’re afraid it comes with a little Grim Reaper.

(Please forgive Miss Manners for wandering off like that. But perhaps you see why she considers etiquette more fun than hygiene.)

At any rate, the butter or jelly dish should come with its own server, used only to transfer the goody to the individual plate. After you have done that, you are supposed to use your individual butter knife to spread the butter on the toast, but not the whole piece of toast, of course - just two or three bites’ worth. (Miss Manners regrets to say that you will not be issued an individual jelly spoon, so you must make do with the butter knife for the jelly as well. Sorry.)

This way, you will never pose a public health threat by using your own butter knife on the community butter. It probably wouldn’t have started much of an epidemic, as you are not supposed to put your butter knife into your mouth anyway, but one cannot be too careful, can one?

As for waste of butter or jelly - gauging exactly how much you will need for however much toast you plan to eat is just one of those survival skills that civilization requires. Not everybody has perfected that, and people sometimes find themselves rationalizing that since they have butter left over, they might as well take another piece of toast; but the butter isn’t enough to cover the toast, so they might as well take some more butter to finish it off, and so on.

You see where this is leading. To weight problems, cholesterol problems and heaven knows what else. So let’s forget about the health angle.

Just do it with the intermediary step, so you won’t forget to eat that way when you are breakfasting with others who will find your method upsetting, even though there is little practical reason for their thinking it unhygienic. Custom takes on a healthy life of its own.

Dear Miss Manners: What is the correct way to tip the person who carries out your groceries at the grocery store?

Gentle Reader: With cash. Handing over a banana or a can that rolled out of the bag is not considered a tip.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate