Learn From Others’ Experiences

Dear Ann Landers: Here is one for your “Would you believe it?” file. I hope you will print it. There’s a lesson here.

A few weeks ago, I picked up the telephone and heard the voice of my husband’s long-lost daughter. She had been out of touch with the family for years and had finally decided it was time to let everyone know how she was doing and where she was living. She asked me to contact her siblings and her mother and tell them how they could reach her.

The first call I made was to my husband’s ex-wife.

Before Frank and I were married, I had met her briefly on only two occasions and hadn’t spoken to her since. My opening sentence was. “I am Frank’s wife.”

Before I could go any further, she said, “You are mistaken about that, honey. Frank and I are still married. If you don’t believe me, ask him.” I did just that immediately. His response was another stunner. He said, “She could be right. There were a lot of papers to be signed at that time, and I didn’t pay much attention to them.”

I immediately contacted a lawyer. He told me if I couldn’t find the divorce papers, my 13-year marriage might indeed be invalid. I also learned that the law seldom pursues reported bigamists. After much discussion (mostly unpleasant), Frank finally got his divorce, and we were legally married soon after. I consider myself lucky that his ex-wife didn’t make things difficult.

Please, Ann, tell your readers that when they begin to get serious with a person who claims to be divorced, ask him or her to produce the decree. If I hadn’t made that call to Frank’s wife, I would not have suspected a thing. If Frank had been killed in an accident, his wife could have turned up and laid claim to everything he owned, and I would have been a “nobody.” - Faux Wife in Tulsa

Dear Tulsa: Thanks for the eye-opener. You educated a lot of people today, including me. I have learned plenty from my readers.

Dear Ann Landers: The letter from “Average Girl in Every City, U.S.A.” really hit a raw nerve. Her boyfriend was abusive, yet she claimed she loved him and wouldn’t give him up.

Let me tell you how it was to live with an abusive drunk who said, “I’m sorry,” for nine years. After we married, it got worse. I had black eyes, bruises and a broken arm, thanks to that animal who insisted that he loved me and promised that he would never hurt me again - and again, and again.

“Average Girl” had better wise up, or she will be in the same boat. Regardless of how sorry your man is or how many times he says he “wasn’t responsible” because he was drunk, it doesn’t mean a thing. I have been there, and let me tell you, it never gets better. In fact, it usually gets worse. I finally took your advice, Ann, and threw the bum out.

I am now married to a great guy who really loves me and treats me like a queen. I cannot believe I lived with that brute for nine years. My message to all women who are in abusive relationships is this: Be strong, get smart, and get out. Don’t waste those years like I did. - Moved on in Arkansas

Dear Ark.: Bravo, sister! Women who tolerate getting knocked around will continue to get more of the same. I’m glad your life is so much better and that I helped.

Gem of the Day (Credit Lou Holtz, Notre Dame): If you want to know something, don’t ask the monkey. Go to the organ grinder.