That, Of Course, Was The Unkindest Cut Of All

Joe Martin, who draws the comic strip “Mr. Boffo,” was recently informed that Steven Spielberg is a big Boffo fan and wanted to see Martin the next time he was in Los Angeles.

“I’m thinking Spielberg wants to see me about some movie project with Boffo,” Martin recalled. “I’m going to be a big star, this is it.”

In his haste to catch a flight, Martin forgot to shave. Grooming in a car in Spielberg’s parking lot - with no water and no shaving cream - he created “about 30 cuts on my face.”

Entering Spielberg’s office, Martin said, “I’m still holding one piece of toilet paper on my lip. I walk up to Spielberg’s receptionist, point to the toilet paper and say, ‘There’s no way around this. If I smile, you’re going to see blood’ … Turns out Spielberg’s not even there. He just wanted some T-shirts for his crew.”

Loose talk

Former Calvin Klein model Mark Wahlberg, on the prosthetic device he wore to play a porn star in “Boogie Nights” (in the New York Daily News): “People who had seen me in my underpants would know that wasn’t really me.”

It’s certainly been a bumpy road for Lois Lane

Margot Kidder turns 49 today.

Turns out he’s just a regular Joe after all

Screenwriter Joe Eszterhas, known for such steamy scripts as “Showgirls” and “Jade,” is taking a softer approach for “Telling Lies in America,” about a young Hungarian immigrant in the 1960s - like himself. “I like the gentle comedic aspects,” he says. “Maybe the older I get, the more I like the notion of making people smile and laugh.”

At least that’s the story from Howard’s end

Radio shock jock Howard Stern is suing a Hollywood studio for fraud over a flopped film that was supposed to co-star Melanie Griffith. Stern says Ministry of Film Inc. signed him for “Jane” knowing it didn’t have financing, then failed to pay him when it wasn’t made.

We hear Madonna was offered the role first

Irish singer Sinead O’Connor, already infamous for ripping up a picture of the pope on “Saturday Night Live,” plays a foul-mouthed Virgin Mary who encourages a teenager to go on a murder spree in Neil Jordan’s upcoming “The Butcher Boy.” Said a spokesman for the Irish Catholic Church: “It’s cheap.”

Guess their strategy is Kissinger and make up

Former secretary of state Henry Kissinger has been hired by Disney to try to make peace with China, which is threatening a ban on Disney products because of the studio’s new movie “Kindun.” The $28 million Martin Scorsese film depicts the Chinese brutally crushing Tibet and its spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama.

He’s just happy that it’s finally in the can

Monaco’s Prince Albert has completed his first movie role, playing an Irish soldier circa 1840 in “One Man’s Hero,” starring Patrick Bergin and Tom Berenger. Said the prince, who’s the son of former screen star Grace Kelly: “I wish my mother could see me now.”

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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Rick Bonino