Unseen Sacrifices Are Appreciated

Dear Ann Landers: I am writing in response to the Long Island reader who resented his mother’s generosity to his brother. I have a brother in a similar circumstance. “James” is 30 and still living with Mother.

Some years ago, I would have agreed with “Long Island” and said it was time for James to “get a life.” I even spoke with my mother about it, and she told me flat out, “Mind your own business. You don’t know our situation.”

Mom’s house has six bedrooms. That’s what was needed for our family of nine children, which she raised. My father divorced her for another woman.

Although the marriage wasn’t a good one, the divorce was very painful for her. Mom now rents out two rooms, and my brother lives on the main floor.

For a long time, I was angry that James was living rent-free and would almost certainly inherit the house and everything in it. I never considered the sacrifices he was making to stay with Mom or how much she needed him. He not only takes care of things around the house and yard, but he has to deal with her unpredictable moods. The woman is not easy to be with.

My disgust with his freeloading has turned into pride in his sense of responsibility. For 25 years, my brother has been the only sibling living in that house, and as far as I’m concerned, it’s his home for life, and I say, God bless him. - Gotten Over It in North Hollywood, Calif.

Dear North Hollywood: It takes a big person to say, “I was wrong,” and an even bigger person to put it in writing. Your benevolent attitude toward your brother will pay dividends in terms of your own mental health.

And now, I hope you are showing the same benevolence toward your mother as well. To be dumped for another woman after having nine children must have been devastating. Please do what you can to make her remaining years good ones and encourage your siblings to do the same. She deserves it.

Dear Ann Landers: Please tell your readers about latex allergy. I was hospitalized for 10 days because of this and have yet to return to work. A lot of your readers may not realize that they or their loved ones could be allergic to such simple things as balloons, doctors’ gloves or, in rare cases, condoms made out of latex. Severe allergic reactions to latex can include anaphylactic shock and death.

This is a problem not only for someone like me, a doctor, but also for fast-food workers, toll takers, janitors, police officers and especially health care workers who use latex gloves routinely to protect against AIDS. Mild sensitivity can produce a skin rash. Extreme sensitivity can include symptoms similar to hay fever or asthma, and the consequences can be deadly.

Medical and dental personnel should ask every patient about the possibility of latex allergy, especially those scheduled for surgery. Ask if the patient has ever had a reaction to balloons, condoms or latex gloves. Patients who have had multiple surgeries are at high risk. Also at high risk are those allergic to bananas, chestnuts, avocados and some tropical fruits.

Extreme sensitivity to latex is a growing problem. The Food and Drug Administration recognized the severity of the illness in 1991, when 16 people undergoing surgery for spina bifida died after coming into contact with latex.

There are safer alternatives, but the government must set standards. Get the word out, Ann. - An M.D. in California

Dear M.D.: Thanks to you, the word is out. You’ve saved some lives today.