Technology Vs. Communication Are Faxes, E-Mail And Beepers Really Heldping?

The horror stories are already beginning to pile up.

Two men on a train almost get into a fistfight because one refuses to stop talking on his cell phone.

One woman’s friend gets miffed because she didn’t answer her e-mail soon enough.

Others talked of bosses who message their staff to death but never leave their office to talk face to face.

What’s happened to human interaction these days? Does anybody talk face to face anymore?

Robert Grisko of Bristol, Conn., is disgusted. He has shunned the brave new world of technology, refusing to purchase an answering machine or a computer.

“I’d rather talk to someone,” he said. “Otherwise, it’s too impersonal.”

Nicole Chardenet of Newington, Conn., is on the other side of the communication conundrum. She admits to being a technology junkie.

“I’m old enough to remember what it was like before we had all these gadgets. It was a pain in the butt when someone wasn’t home and the phone would ring and ring and ring,” she said. “At work, faxing is a great way to get information to people immediately. Voice mail beats little pink slips of paper on my desk and it is more private.”

As for e-mail, it has kept her in touch with her family and enabled her to correspond with dozens of friends.

“I practice my French with an e-mail buddy in Normandy and just last week I tracked down two blasts from my past,” Chardenet said in an e-mail message.

E-mail, voice mail, beepers, faxes, cell phones, answering machines, call waiting: They are all there to make interaction easier. But have they?

Experts disagree on whether advances in technology have helped or hurt human communication. But they all agree humans are conversing much differently nowadays.

The key difference, says Linda Rae Markert, chairwoman of the technology department at the State University of New York at Oswego, is that all these gadgets allow for one-way communication.

People can fire off e-mails to each other or leave detailed voice-mail messages without having to engage in live conversations.

But, says Markert, there is something about one-way communication that can also bring out the worst in people.

She cites as an example a call she received on her voice mail from a student questioning a grade. The student called late on a Sunday night when he knew Markert wouldn’t be in her office and left a blunt and angry message on her office voice mail.

Yet, when Markert pretended she didn’t receive the call and asked the student what the message was about, the student used a much different, softened tone.

If Markert had e-mail, the student might have sent what is known as a “flaming” message.

Markert, who researched the issue for a paper, said people are hiding behind the new technology.

She said many people feel empowered by the technology because they can take care of business more efficiently. Others, however, feel victimized.

Brad Upstine, a salesman from Farmington, Conn., said technology has made it tougher for him to do his job.

“It is hard to contact people,” he said. “People can avoid you.

“In the old days, you always got a voice.”

Cell phones have left some residents annoyed with technology.

Avon resident Beth Rose’s visit to a theater was ruined when the person behind her wouldn’t stop talking on a cell phone. And Terry McDonald of Granby, Conn., said her husband almost got into a fight with another driver when the man would not pay attention to the road while he was talking on his car phone.

“My husband told him to get off the phone,” she said. “The guy got out of his car and wanted to fight.”

Brenda Christensen, a public relations director for a software company in California, said speaker phones make her uncomfortable.

“You don’t know who is listening. Anyone could be in the room,” she said. “It’s kind of a power thing.

“When you put someone on a speaker phone, it is like you are more important. You are in control.”

But Christensen also says technology has helped her develop new relationships and strengthen older ones.

She said she rarely uses the telephone at work, relying instead on e-mail. One woman she was exchanging computer messages with became a close friend.

Nancy Dunnan, a New York-based etiquette specialist, says it’s not the advances in technology that are causing the problems; it’s that people don’t know the rules that must guide their use.

“All of us have to have an awareness of the importance of silence,” she said.

Experts say that as long as humans follow these few simple rules of etiquette, technology need not mean the death of civility.

Don’t use a cell phone in a public place, such as a movie or museum or on public transportation, if it is distracting to others.

Voice mail and answering messages should be short and polite. People who leave a message should speak slowly and clearly.

Beepers should be switched to the vibration setting in public settings to avoid disruptions.

For the cyberworld, there are evolving rules of etiquette.

Virginia Shea, in her book “Netiquette” (Albion Books, $19.95), outlines several rules for e-mail users.

One of her rules is basic: “Never forget that the person reading your mail or posting is, indeed, a person, with feelings that can be hurt,” she wrote.

She also advised that Internet and e-mail users never “post anything you wouldn’t say to your reader’s face.”