Too Quiet For Too Long Domestic Violence Victims Got Little Help From Clergy

The Rev. Alex Schmidt used to doubt the statistics that claimed one in three women in the pews was a victim of domestic violence.

Then they started coming forward in his church. Widows, who’d buried their husbands more than a decade ago. They came forward and told him they were those victims.

“Some of them were beat every day,” the Lutheran pastor said. “And where was the church?”

The church has been silent for years on the subject of domestic violence. Hardly anyone preached about it from the pulpit. Victims were instructed to return to their husbands and preserve the marriage. Abusers were rarely held accountable.

All that is changing, slowly, said the Rev. Thelma Burgonio-Watson, a program specialist at the Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence in Seattle.

More than 100 people, among them clergy and lay leaders, turned out Monday at Sacred Heart Medical Center for a daylong conference on the topic.

During her keynote address, Burgonio-Watson urged churches to take responsibility for domestic violence.

Clergy are poorly trained to deal with such problems, she said. As a result, church leaders are generally silent when women are battered.

“A lot of us pretend that this can’t be taking place in our congregations,” said Schmidt, pastor at Our Savior Lutheran Church in Spokane. “We want to portray ourselves as one step above the chaos.”

On top of that, many churches falsely perpetuate the role of patriarchy in the name of Scripture, Burgonio-Watson said.

As a result, many churches blame and condemn women who leave their husbands.

On the other hand, many secular organizations designed to help battered women misunderstand or underestimate the importance of religious faith.

“They are intimidated by all this Scripture, which are already being misinterpreted,” she said.

She told the story of receiving a call one night, while working at a Seattle domestic violence shelter. A shelter worker said the pastor of a badly beaten woman told her to return to her abusive husband. The worker wanted Burgonio-Watson to call the pastor and “straighten him out.”

A few minutes later, that pastor called and said the shelter staff was telling the woman she had to get divorced. He wanted the shelter straightened out.

Forcing a battered woman to make such choices would be unnecessary if the church did its job, she said.

“We know there is nothing is in our religious traditions that can justify violence,” she said. “We all believe in a Creator of peace.”

Clergy need to first acknowledge their past sins and failures, she said.

The widows in Schmidt’s congregation are evidence of that.

There should be three priorities in a case of domestic violence, no matter what their denomination or faith, Burgonio-Watson said.

The first concern should be for the victim’s safety. Pastors should refer women to community organizations if they feel overwhelmed by that responsibility.

The second objective should be holding the batterer accountable through the legal system and counseling.

Only if those goals are reached should clergy consider trying to restore the relationship, she said.

Finally, there is prayer.

“Yes, we are asked to pray without ceasing,” she said. “But we minimize (violence) if we only pray, without taking other steps.”

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color Photo