Being Mom’s Excess Baggage Hurts

A young friend told me this story the other day. It’s a true, sad story without a happy ending, at least none that I can see. Since April was Child Abuse Prevention Month, I thought the story deserved telling.

My friend lives in an apartment complex, where a few months ago she befriended a young boy we’ll call Joey.

Joey is 10. He has a younger brother and sister, all of whom live with their mom, who’s divorced. Their dad lives in another town.

“Joey was standing outside my door like a stray dog when I got home from work one night. It was late, he didn’t know where his mom was and he was hungry,” my friend said. “I let him in, cooked for him and found out I had made a new friend. It wasn’t long until he was coming over every day as soon as I got home.”

Joey, my friend says, is well-behaved at her house but has trouble dealing with his mom. My friend has seen Joey fly into a rage at his mom over little things that shouldn’t have mattered. He ran away from home once and spent the night in the woods, at age 10.

The mom has a demanding job, which she apparently deals with by spending too many nights partying at night clubs, either leaving the kids with a teenage baby-sitter or sometimes, with nobody.

“I’ve seen the baby-sitter lock them outside because she couldn’t deal with them anymore,” my friend said.

Increasingly, my friend became a pal to Joey and his siblings, inviting them over to eat pizza and watch Nickelodeon. They would show up on her doorstep late at night, scared at being home alone while their mom was out somewhere. Remember, Joey, at age 10, is the oldest.

My friend began picking up Joey at school a couple of days a week and helping him with his homework - something he said his mom never did. Too busy. She bought him a book, which Joey proudly read in two days, even though he said his mom laughed at him for reading.

The mom has a boyfriend who my friend says on occasion hits the mother and hits Joey, too. My friend confronted him about it. The boyfriend told her Joey had it coming to him. You know those 10-year-old kids, always doing something to deserve getting slapped around.

Finally, my friend contacted Child Protective Services, the agency that hears allegations of child abuse or neglect. As she expected, CPS advised her once the complaint was filed that she should have no contact with the children anymore.

“As long as someone is looking out for them, they (CPS) cannot charge the mother with neglect, a case worker told me,” she said.

She sat down with Joey and told him she couldn’t see him anymore, and why.

“He didn’t understand, and neither did I,” she said.

A few weeks have passed. My friend doesn’t know what’s been done or what can be done. CPS has a tough job, with a huge, depressing caseload. It’s difficult to prove neglect or mental abuse because the scars aren’t as readily apparent. It has to be a heartbreaking job, trying to decide whether a child is better off with his parents or somewhere else. I have nothing but admiration for the people who do this job for mediocre pay and little recognition.

My friend thinks about Joey and his siblings often. She worries that they’re getting fed regularly, that Joey is doing his homework and learning his multiplication tables.

“I wish there was some kind of test people had to take before they became parents,” she said. “Not that any parent is perfect, but before someone is blessed with a child, they should be aware of the tremendous amount of responsibility that goes with the territory.”

She added, “I’ve never been a parent, but I’ve been a child. And every child deserves the kind of home I had - where they are accepted and loved, and treated with the same respect every individual deserves.”

Say a prayer tonight for Joey, his siblings and the other children out there who don’t get that love and respect.

xxxx