Emotional Growth May Be Stunted
Dear Ann Landers: I’ve been going with my boyfriend, “Phillip,” for four years, and I’ve lost all interest in sex. In the beginning, I was always ready for action. Now, I couldn’t care less. I’m not even interested in kissing him. It’s definitely nothing he has done that has turned me off. He’s always very caring and considerate. We get along great, except for this crazy problem. Needless to say, he is losing interest in me, and I’m afraid he will drop me completely.
The same thing happened with my last long-term boyfriend. Things were hot and heavy in the beginning, but after a year or so, I cooled off. After we broke up, I began to date other men, and my sex drive returned almost immediately. Is this normal, or am I some kind of nut?
When I met Phillip, I thought my sex problems were gone forever, but I was wrong. Apparently, I need a variety of men in order to be sexually fulfilled. I’m afraid I’ll never find real happiness if I keep on this way. What can I do about it? I’m too embarrassed to share this with anyone but you, Ann. Can you help me? - Lost That Loving Feeling in Chicago
Dear Lost: Many adolescents enjoy the chase more than the catch. However, you are apparently past adolescence, but your emotional growth, at least where sex is concerned, is stunted. You need to work through this problem with a professional counselor. Please don’t delay.
Dear Ann Landers: I am writing in response to the letter from “Been There and Done That,” who advised against helping addicts. I disagree. My brother-in-law’s drug of choice is alcohol. He has been in and out of treatment centers for years. However, he never borrowed money from us and has asked for help only once or twice. The majority of addicts are not liars and cheats, as “Been There” stated in your column. They are honorable and decent but flawed in this one area.
Over the holidays, my brother-in-law and his girlfriend came to stay at our house for two weeks. We asked only that he stay sober, which he did for a while, but it didn’t last. We stuck by him when he got drunk and we had to go looking for him in bars. After several nightmarish episodes, he had a drug reaction and ended up in intensive care. We offered our love and trust unconditionally.
A week ago, he checked himself into a detox center and is now in a halfway house. No one gave up on him, and he is committed to being sober one day at a time. We hope his sobriety will last for a lifetime, but whatever happens, my husband and I and his family will be here for him. - An East Coaster
Dear E.C.: Maybe your brother-in-law will prove the exception to the rule, now that he is seeking help voluntarily. According to the experts in this field (I am not one), the best favor you can do for an alcoholic or a drug abuser is hang tough - and this means NOT bailing him out of tough situations, which you and your family have done repeatedly from the goodness of your hearts.
Loving concern of family and friends doesn’t work with alcoholics and drug addicts. They need Alcoholics Anonymous and professional help.
Gem of the Day: One of life’s greatest mysteries: Why is it you can throw a burnt match out of the window of your car and start a forest fire that will burn for three days, but with two boxes of matches and the Sunday edition of a newspaper, you can’t start a fire in your fireplace?