Presence Or Presents? Welcome To The ‘90s
Dear Readers: Remember the Long Island snob who thought a $50 wedding gift was cheap and insulting? She said her wedding cost a lot to put on and she expected the gifts to at least offset the costs.
I expected to be bombarded with a ton of letters from readers eager to tell the snob off, but to my surprise, some agreed with her. Keep reading for some surprising responses:
Dear Ann Landers: You recently lambasted a Long Island bride who was critical of guests for sending cheap wedding gifts. Well, I’m on her side. You are out of touch, dear, when it comes to weddings. Your daughter was probably married in the late ‘60s. If you paid for the wedding, a dinner and dance for 250 guests, the tab would have been about $15,000. Today, that same wedding would cost at least twice as much. Maybe YOU should “wake up and smell the coffee.” - Philadelphia
From San Antonio, Texas: Ann, honey, where have you been these last 20 years? The cost of everything has tripled. When our eldest daughter married in 1977, we spent $11,000 on the wedding (no sit-down dinner but a nice reception). Ten years later, our youngest daughter was married. Her reception cost twice as much. My brother’s daughter is getting married in Houston next month. That wedding is going to cost at least $30,000 for the reception. Welcome to the ‘90s!
Chandler, Ariz.: We were stunned to read the letter from “Upset in Long Island,” who considered a $50 wedding gift cheap and insulting. When we were married eight years ago, we could not afford an expensive wedding, so we decided on a simple ceremony with a punch-and-cake reception. We had a wonderful time sharing our special day with family and friends we cared about. We wanted only their presence - not their presents.
Cary, N.C.: What could they possibly be serving in Long Island that costs $150 per person? They should come to North Carolina. We are planning a great reception for our daughter’s wedding in December for about $35 a person, which includes the best caterer in Raleigh, a band and a full bar. Now I’m worried that those friends and relatives who read your column might think they can’t attend unless they can afford a big gift. The best gift is to come and celebrate with us. - Mary Marsha Cupitt
Whispering Pines, N.C.: Your response to “Upset in Long Island” was perfect, but I think we may be missing some business opportunities. How about equipment to check the size of gifts, like those gizmos they have in airports to measure carry-on luggage? If the gift isn’t big enough, the guests don’t get in. Also, the couple could sell reserved seats. The more expensive the gift, the closer to the front of the church. As the father of an unmarried daughter, we need to weed out the freeloaders who think it’s the thought that counts. - Ken Burditt
Atwater, Calif.: I believe that bride in Long Island mislabeled her event. It wasn’t a wedding. It was a fund-raiser. She should have sent the following invitation: “You are cordially invited to an upscale wedding. The time, date and place are indicated at the bottom of this card. Since everything has become outrageously expensive in this town, we are requesting a cash donation of $300 or an appropriate gift of at least that amount. There will be a no-host cocktail bar, and we hope you will tip generously. Please note this is NOT a not-for-profit affair, so your contribution will not be tax deductible.”
Dear Atwater: You laid it on a bit heavy, but I’m sure the readers get the point.