Take Steps Now To End Your Pain

Dear Ann Landers: I was sexually abused by my grandfather when I was 12. I didn’t know anything about sex and thought my grandfather was wonderful and everything he did had to be right. My mother knew but made no effort to stop it. Although this happened 14 years ago, I am still haunted by it.

My grandfather died last year and my mother, who lives in another state, is now sending me pictures of Grandpa. This has shaken me up something awful and brought back painful memories. I have asked my mother to stop sending me these pictures, but she hasn’t stopped, and it is making a nervous wreck out of me. Now she has begun to send little items that belonged to him.

I am having nightmares about my grandfather. When my mother sends these reminders, I become very depressed. I’m trying hard to keep my baby and husband happy, but these memories churn up a past I’m trying to put behind me. Please tell me what to do. I feel alone and helpless. - Leoti, Kan.

Dear Leoti: It sounds to me as if your mother is trying to punish you for what happened with Grandpa. The fact that she knew what was going on and didn’t step in to protect you indicates that she is seriously disturbed and needs counseling.

I urge you to return everything your mother has sent, along with all future letters and packages - unopened, postage due. Adhere to this procedure no matter what. Your mental health is at stake. And P.S.: If you have not had counseling to help you deal with this trauma, please consider it.

Dear Ann Landers: As a father of four, I thank you for your column against cigar smoking and your letter to Arnold Schwarzenegger. But surely you realize that generally when celebrities are shown smoking, it is not accidental.

Years ago, filmmakers stopped showing movie stars lighting up. It didn’t affect the bottom line. But for the past year or two, we’ve seen a sudden increase in film stars puffing again. Why? Because if Coca-Cola or Nike can purchase product placement in youth-oriented films, so can tobacco companies. I wonder how much tobacco companies spend on this form of advertising. A bundle is my guess.

Maybe you saw “Independence Day.” It is obvious that the tobacco industry bought commercial time in that movie. Jeff Goldblum plays an environmentalist who nags his dad for smoking a cigar- until he grasps Big Brother Tobacco’s evaluation of life - that it is far too short for us to deprive ourselves of the joy of smoking. “I could get to like this,” he says. Hero Will Smith twice cautioned Earth defenders that forgetting the important cigar would jinx the mission. The ending shows the heroes swaggering with giant cigars, silhouetted against the sky. That was blatant, unabashed pro-smoking propaganda.

Glorification of smoking is disgusting and shameful. The tobacco industry, helped by the movie industry, is subliminally hooking our children, and precious little is being done to stop it. - B.D., San Francisco, Calif.

Dear San Francisco: You are right on. The tobacco companies are aware that huge numbers of adults have stopped smoking because so many spouses, parents, friends and neighbors are dying from lung cancer, emphysema and other respiratory illnesses. So, now, to make up for the shortfall, they are going after a new market - teenagers. They say cigars are “safer” because you don’t inhale. This is nonsense. Instead of lung cancer, you can get cancer of the mouth, tongue and inner cheek. Horrible? You bet. Smoking, whether cigarettes, cigars, pipes or marijuana, is unhealthy, expensive and, in most cases, addictive.