Here’s Another Honored Adage: Wet Behind The Ears
Our forefathers wisely made it so no one can become president before age 35.
Alas, no such constitutional safeguard exists to keep any immature punks from running for public office in Cheney. If you’re old enough to vote, you’re old enough to run, which has led to Phil Kiver’s bargain-basement quest to become the town’s first Nintendo generation mayor.
Kiver (pronounced Kee-ver) turned 20 in May.
“If I win I’m on ‘Hard Copy!”’ exclaims candidate Kiver with enthusiasm.
Ah, a young man with a goal.
Citizen Kiver claims to have spent only 40 bucks on what must be one of the most unorthodox campaigns in Cheney history.
The Kiver-for-mayor headquarters is located in a scruffy white garage near the Eastern Washington University campus. His campaign manager is a painfully young-looking girl who was too embarrassed to tell me her age. I’m guessing between 15 and 17.
Kiver called me the other day, hoping some free ink would boost his chances in the Sept. 16 primary. He’s got his hands full. His opponents are Tom Trulove, a former Cheney mayor; Chamber of Commerce director Amy Jo Sooy; and Eugene Ozust, an ex-Cheney worker who once sued the city.
Always interested in our youth, I spent a couple of hours watching this cocky kid strut through downtown Cheney pressing the flesh.
This brash boy is not lacking for energy. Or ego.
“I do enjoy walking down the street and seeing my name everywhere,” Kiver says, commenting on all the signs he’s taped to store windows.
“This whole campaign is about ‘Dig Me!”’
Saying he will get the college vote because he’s a “sex symbol,” Kiver obviously is not from the buttoned-down, tight-lipped school of politics.
He’s a fresh-faced lad with a slightly bleached surfer hairdo. During my visit, Kiver campaigned in a pair of plaid shorts, sneakers and a Mariners T-shirt.
Though lacking in money and experience, Kiver possesses an elemental savvy of how to win votes:
The Spokane Falls Community College student plays bingo with senior citizens. He works as an unpaid bagger at a Cheney supermarket to meet people. He tirelessly pounds the pavement, talking to anybody who will lend him an ear.
All this grass-roots politicking has grabbed the attention of voters two and three times Kiver’s age.
“If he’s 20 or 200 it don’t matter as long as he can get the job done,” says Jim Canaday, 64, who owns a jewelry store with his wife, Dodie.
“He couldn’t do any worse than what we got,” concedes Bob Barrett, 57.
“A new way of thinking,” is the theme of the Kiver Juggernaut. He echoes the general discord common to small towns, namely that Cheney is run by a bunch of overpaid, lazy buffoons.
He says he decided to run for mayor when he heard that Trulove and Sooy were vying to fill the vacancy left by outgoing Mayor Al Ogdon. “They’ve been running this town my whole life,” says Kiver, disdainful of his competition.
But the question remains: Is this 20-year-old kid emotionally ready to represent a city of 8,000?
Not from what I saw.
Cheney may very well need some young blood leadership, but Kiver needs to grow up first. Leading me into City Hall, he picked a fight with City Planner Glenn Scholten, who was trying to eat his lunch - spaghetti - out of a plastic container.
The soft-spoken Scholten calmly tried to explain Cheney’s six-year plan for fixing its streets. Kiver exploded in a fit of petulance, calling Scholten a bureaucrat.
“What a load of …,” Kiver swore loudly as he stormed theatrically out of the building.
Mayor Phil? I don’t think so.
“He’s young,” says Kiver’s mother, Barb, when I called to ask about her son. “He’s got a lot to learn.”
Clark to Citizen Kiver: Listen to your ma.
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color photo