Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

Don’t you wonder what people are thinking?

What a beautiful day it is. The temperature is in the 90s, the wind is blowing at 30 miles per hour. I think I’ll go outside and start that bonfire I’ve been putting off all summer.

More good advice from Smokey the Bonfire Bear

Here’s a simple fire safety rule, courtesy of Bottom Lines: When the wind goes above 30 miles per hour, please, play with your blowtorch indoors.

McVeigh sticks to his story

So, if I understand Timothy McVeigh correctly, his position remains the same: I didn’t do it. And besides, I was provoked into it by Waco.

They had approximately .00012 seconds of warning

Yes, Tim, Oklahoma City was no different from Waco. If I remember correctly, you stood outside that Alfred P. Murrah Building for weeks with a bullhorn, begging everyone to leave peacefully so no one would be hurt. But they just wouldn’t listen.

He’ll do anything to avoid coming home to his Spokane condo

It looks like Tom Foley is going to be the ambassador to Japan. It’s a highly important job that involves peddling Washington apples.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 Photos

MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.