Background Check Could Be Worth It

Dear Ann Landers: Please print this letter as a warning to women who think they have met Mr. Wonderful. Tell them to check him out. I wish I had.

Twelve years ago, I met a man I thought was the greatest. We both were divorced, and I believed everything he said because I saw no reason not to. Three months later, we were married. I was in seventh heaven.

After two years, I began to be suspicious. Several things he said didn’t add up. Then, I learned he had lied to me about his marriages. He confessed that I was Wife No. 5, not Wife No. 3. We moved four times in 11 years because he never felt “comfortable” where we were. His two grown sons and two daughters, whom he had not seen in 12 years, surfaced and decided they wanted their “daddy” back. He never mentioned these children until we had been married for four years. I felt ill at ease around them. They were rude to me and disrespectful to their father. There were daily arguments. We decided to move for the fifth time so we could have some peace and quiet. That’s when I learned I was really Wife No. 7.

I could write a book about the sneakiness of this man, but I’m not much of a writer, and the best I can do is this letter. Please, Ann, tell the women who write to you and say they’ve met “Mr. Wonderful” to check his past with a private detective. It costs money, but it’s well worth it. - Wish I Had in West Va.

Dear Wish You Had: Your letter says it better than anything I might come up with. Sorry the tuition in the School of Experience was so high, but the lesson was well learned. Thanks for writing.

Dear Ann Landers: I’d like to add to your response to the woman whose breast cancer was detected in time to save her life.

Please tell your readers that men can also develop breast cancer. Last October, my wife and I traced the cause of some small brown stains on the bed sheets to a discharge from my left nipple. My wife, a family nurse practitioner, knew a good surgeon who scheduled me for a mammogram. Two weeks after the mammogram, I had the first of two operations for breast cancer.

Because fewer than 1,000 men get breast cancer each year in the United States, most health care providers won’t seriously consider the possibility. I have no known risk factor, and there is no family history of cancer. Please tell the men in your reading audience to be aware of this. - Lucky in Texas

Dear Texas: Bless you for telling my readers of your experience. Because cancer of the breast is generally not thought of as a man’s affliction, your letter is especially important. You will never know the number of lives you saved today.

Dear Ann Landers: Some new neighbors have put up wind chimes, and they’re driving us nuts. I know there are a lot of people who think the jingling is delightful, but I consider it noise pollution, and it gets on my nerves. These chimes can be heard half a mile away, through brick walls. Also, the clinking drowns out the singing of the birds that we love. Please suggest something. - Going Bonkers in Texas

Dear Texas: Tell your neighbors in a nice way what you’ve told me. If they are as decent as most Texas folks, they’ll quiet the chimes.

Since misery loves company, it might please you to know that this is not strictly a Texas problem. I have heard from readers in Michigan, Illinois and Florida about this. I told one reader I found wind chimes “charming.” She replied, “Easy for you to say - living miles away in an apartment in Chicago!” (Of course, she’s right.)