Lose Your Glass? Ask For Another

Dear Miss Manners: My boss, a well-educated lady with a Ph.D., always holds her fork in her left hand, not just when she has a knife in her right hand. The same goes when she is using a spoon.

This is, of course, none of my business. However, when we co-workers celebrated a special occasion, I found myself sitting next to her, and when coffee was served, she took my cup. Hers stayed unused on her other side.

Not knowing what to do or say, I did not drink any coffee. What should I do if this happens again and I want to enjoy a cup of coffee? It could also happen with my glass of wine, depending.

Shouldn’t left-handed people perhaps be seated together in order to avoid such a situation?

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners tries very hard to sympathize with her Gentle Readers; really, she does. But because you missed out on one cup of coffee, you want her to segregate left-handed people?

Not even the fear that you might miss a glass of wine would tempt Miss Manners to agree that any physical characteristic is more important than compatibility when doing seating arrangements.

Surely, you could have asked your boss for the empty coffee cup at her right without risking your job. Failing the nerve to do that, you could have simply mentioned to whoever was serving that you seemed to be lacking a cup.

Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I moved to an adult community that we love and put in endless hours to make our home lovely and comfortable.

Most people are kind and complimentary when viewing our home, yet I have gotten such comments as: “You and I could never be friends, you’re too perfect!”

“When you are invited to our home, don’t expect ours to be a showcase like yours!” And so on.

We entertain a lot because we like people, but remarks like this shock me. When I enter someone’s home, my interest is always on the people and I rarely notice what a person has.

Gentle Reader: You are interested in other people and in your possessions, Miss Manners gathers. But you live in a society where it is more usual to be interested in other people’s possessions and oneself.

This skewed way of looking at things is so common that these people think they were paying you a compliment by announcing that they so envied your house that they were reconsidering entertaining you.

But because they considered their feelings so unexceptional that they could express them to you - and felt you must share them - we shall assume that they meant no harm but were simply blathering in an attempt to say something nice.

Dear Miss Manners: When my husband and I were laid off, we decided to move down to Florida and stay with a friend till we found our own place.

My friend decided to host a party for my daughter’s fifth birthday at her home, and she started inviting people. Although most of the people she invited were also my acquaintances, she never asked me if there was anybody I would like to invite. I would like to have Miss Manners’ opinion.

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners’ opinion is that your friend must know some 5-year-olds she thinks your daughter would like to meet. At least, Miss Manners hopes those are the chief guests at a 5-year-old’s birthday party.

Does Miss Manners think your hostess might have inquired whether you - and more appropriately, your child - knew anyone else you would want to invite?

Yes, it would have been a nice touch. But although your friend did not think of doing this (perhaps because you so recently moved to her area), Miss Manners cannot bring herself to condemn as thoughtless someone who takes a family into her house at a difficult time in their lives and throws a birthday party for the child.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate