Child-Raising Over For Him
Dear Ann Landers: I am a male in my 60s, retired, divorced twice, with two grown children and three grandchildren. I have been single for 20 years. I am now involved with a wonderful woman in her mid-30s who has never been married and who desperately wants children.
I have never felt more compatible or loved anyone so much, but I have experienced the joys and heartaches of raising children and at this stage of life do not wish to go through it again. If we had children, it is unlikely that I would be around during their teen years, and also, though my finances allow me to live comfortably, I do not have enough to support and educate a child.
I doubt that either of us will change our minds. Even if she agreed to remain childless, I’m afraid she would always resent it. Is it wrong to continue our relationship in view of this fundamental disagreement? - Oak Park, Ill.
Dear Oak Park: I would never venture to make this decision for a reader, but I admire you for being so upfront and realistic about the potential problems should you marry this woman.
A 30-year age difference is an entire generation, aside from the question you pose. I strongly recommend that you both make appointments to meet with a doctor, a lawyer and a clergyman and listen carefully to their assessments and counsel.
Dear Ann Landers: A member of my family has genital herpes, and I am wondering how contagious or infectious this is. I am 60 years of age. This person is a young nephew who means the world to me, but I find myself ill at ease in family social situations that involve food preparation and handling or serving drinks.
“Mickey” often mixes drinks for his guests and never uses ice tongs or a scoop, preferring to use his hands instead. Whenever I see him do this, I cringe. He and his wife have invited me to dinner at their home many times, and I have never accepted. I’m running out of excuses. I really love these kids and would like to have a closer relationship with them, but the herpes problem is a serious roadblock.
I have read that herpes is a pervasive condition in America and that one in six people are now infected with the virus. Is that true? This means many cooks, waiters, bartenders, etc., who serve me are infected. How does one tell?
I need information, Ann, and you are the only source I trust to give me an honest, informed answer. - No Name, Please
Dear No Name: Stop worrying. Although it is theoretically possible to transmit genital herpes through food handling or bed linens, it is highly unlikely. For this to happen, the herpes virus must be transferred to the food or linens by coming into contact with an open herpes sore. Then the object must touch someone else on a part of the skin receptive to infection, such as a cut, during the short time that the virus is still alive and transmittable.
As for how many people are infected, according to the Herpes Resource Center, the actual number is one in four adults. Many of those infected have no symptoms and do not know they’re carrying the virus.
For more information, send $1 for postage and handling to the Herpes Resource Center, American Social Health Association, Dept. PR-65, P.O. Box 13827, Research Triangle Park, N.C. 27709 (Internet address: http://sunsite.unc. edu/ ASHA/). They will send you free, confidential information about herpes and answer any other questions you might have.