‘Gentleman,’ You Say? No Way
Dear Miss Manners: Something peculiar occurs when a gentleman who occasionally takes me out to dinner orders fish or a small bird. He blows the bones into his closed fist, shakes them like dice, then throws them onto the bread plate. Is there anything I could say to him without hurting his feelings to amend the bone behavior?
Gentle Reader: How about “Tell me my future”? Miss Manners doesn’t want to alarm you, but what you have there is not a gentleman, but an ancient soothsayer. Gentlemen do not cast bits of their dinner around like dice.
Dear Miss Manners: What is a “Round the Clock Shower”? A 24-hour marathon of gift giving? I got an invitation stating the time as 2 p.m., but a further notation that “Your time is 1 p.m.” Does this mean I am to present myself with gift at 1 and leave before the actual festivities?
Gentle Reader: No, no, no. Miss Manners admits that the world is full of barely disguised greed, even that showers, which should be light-hearted events associated with token presents, have taken a nasty turn in the acquisitive direction. But things aren’t as bad as you suspect.
Showers often have little themes. This one suggests guests bring presents associated with a particular time of day, so that together, the prospective bride is given little things to use around the clock. Yours being 1 p.m., you are presumably expected to bring something associated with lunch time. Or clean-up time, or whatever you suppose the guest of honor might be doing at 1 p.m. This has nothing to do with the arrival time, which is the same for everyone. But as it is 2 p.m., Miss Manners suggests you eat before you go.
Dear Miss Manners: My problem with an adorable man is what initially drew me to him: He likes to talk. So do I, but not all the time! I have asked him to allow me to read the morning newspaper in silence, and at first he complied. Now he is busily chatting away again, during my precious quiet time in the morning.
Actually, he talks almost all of the time. How can I politely remind him that there are times when I very much need time to read or think. He does not respond to my not-so-subtle body language.
Gentle Reader: All right, we will try language-language. But Miss Manners warns you that this has to be subtle, because there is no polite way to say, “Oh, will you please pipe down, for goodness’ sake, it’s only 8:30 in the morning?”
Practice saying, “Hmmmmm.” The trick is not to make this sound like either, “Go on, please,” or “Let me think this over for a minute.” It must sound like “Not only do I have no comprehension of what you said, but I’m in such a fog that there is no use repeating it.”
But the hmmm-ing itself will have to be repeated often before he understands that it’s no use talking to you in the morning, if, in fact, he ever understands. Miss Manners would not go so far as to say that the union of a morning talker and a morning nontalker is impossible, but it takes time. If, after some months of this, you look up from your coffee and see his cheerful face and open mouth, you might want to re-evaluate his adorableness.
Dear Miss Manners: I have received verbal invitations to about a dozen graduation parties from my graduating son’s dearest friends. How can I balance my desire to attend with the responsibility to the three relatives who will be staying at my home that weekend?
Gentle Reader: By finding something more interesting for them to do.
Not that Miss Manners imagines anything more interesting than celebrating your son’s graduation. Neither do your relatives, which is why they will be there. But you can try offering them theater tickets, for example, or a friend to show them around.
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate