Pacifier Need Is Not A Sign Of Trouble

Q. Our just-turned 3-year-old son seems addicted to his pacifier. Over the past year, we’ve limited its use to his bed, but he still comes to us four or five times a day on average telling us he wants to lie down with his “passy” for a while. We give it to him, he goes to his bedroom and lies on his bed for 10 minutes or so, then gets up and returns it to us for safekeeping. He also uses it when he takes a nap and goes to sleep at night. He accepts our rules concerning the pacifier without complaint, but we’re getting concerned that his frequent need for a “passy fix” may presage problems. Do we have a valid reason to be concerned? If so, should we take it away? If so, how?

A. The short answers to your questions are: I truly doubt it; I don’t think it’s necessary, but you can easily place even further limits on its use; and see answer to second question. Think of it this way: If your son, like my daughter Amy, had discovered the joy of thumb-sucking shortly after he was born, taking it away would not be an option. Under those circumstances, I’d recommend that you limit thumb-sucking to your son’s room and resign yourselves to the fact that he would, past that point, give it up in his own time. I’d also inform you that he might continue to be a “secret sucker” until adolescence and assure you that if that proved to be the case, it would be neither the cause nor result of psychological problems. In short, continued interest in a pacifier at age 3 is no big deal.

(Note: Recent research, however, has established a possible connection between pacifier use and ear infections in children older than 10 months. Until further notice, children this age and older who are prone to ear infections should not use pacifiers. At the very least, they should be allowed to use them only during waking hours and no more than a few minutes at a time.)

You’ve obviously done a super job of communicating and enforcing limits concerning his use of his “passy.” If your numbers and my math are both correct, outside of when he goes to sleep, he sucks on it an average of 40-50 minutes a day. That’s approximately 7 percent of his waking time spent with his pacifier in his mouth. I’m sorry, but that doesn’t qualify as an addiction - a minor, insignificant dependency, but not an addiction. And let’s face it, everyone (at least it’s true of me and everyone else I know reasonably well) has a few minor, insignificant dependencies tacked onto their personalities - things and/or rituals to which we are attached and which bring us some measure of comfort.

Your son has learned how to comfort himself when he needs comforting. He doesn’t whine, cling or seek attention in some inappropriate way. He asks for his pacifier, goes off into his room for 10 minutes, then gives it back. Sounds like a fairly independent 3-year-old, if you ask me.

You can, if you wish, further limit your son’s use of his “passy” to bedtime and naptime. Since he’s accepted the limits you placed on it thus far, there’s every reason to believe he’d accept this one, too. A tip: When communicating a standing rule to a child this age, and especially if you anticipate some resistance, tell the child the rule comes from “the doctor.” Older toddlers and 3-year-olds more readily accept these sorts of things if they think they come from a familiar outside authority figure. Besides, your child’s physician would undoubtedly agree the rule is necessary.

A word of caution: One of my pediatric consultants, Dr. Ellis Fisher of Gastonia, N.C., advises parents not to offer pacifiers set in hard plastic to tots who have started walking. Should the child fall on his face with the pacifier in his mouth, the hard plastic can cause injuries to mouth, teeth and/or gums. Give toddlers soft rubber pacifiers only. They’re a bit harder to find, but the ounce of prevention they provide is well worth the search.

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