Lessons Of Faith A Child’s Spiritual Development Is An Ongoing Process That Often Starts At A Very Early Age

First of three parts

Our 4-year-old daughter Claire’s conversation with God began last year, when our cat died. “Please, God, bring Casey back to life,” she prayed. After a few months passed and Casey didn’t reappear, she changed her prayer to: “Please bless Casey” or “Please, God, give Casey enough food,” or “Please keep Casey warm.” Sometimes it seemed as if she were talking to a vet rather than a divine being. One year and one new cat later, Claire still prays for Casey, but now I hear her pray for people, too.

How did this progression in her spiritual life come about? Certainly she’d been exposed to religious concepts - she occasionally attends church with me and we often say a prayer before meals - but it surprised me how much had sunk in, and that, with no prompting from me, she sought divine intervention.

I’ve come to learn that my daughter’s response wasn’t all that unusual. “Children are innately spiritual,” says the Rev. Anne O. Weatherholt, rector of St. Mark’s Episcopal Church in Boonsboro, Md. “It’s natural for them to wonder about life and death and the mystery of creation.”

Indeed, teaching kids about God can not only give them a starting point for sorting out the meaning of life - Who am I? Where did I come from? Why do we live and die? - but can help them in other important ways as well. A belief in God adds to a child’s sense of security. For many kids, learning about God means understanding that an omniscient and loving creator has their best interests at heart. “The thought that a greater power looks after you is so reassuring to a child,” says Bettye Caldwell, professor of pediatrics, child development and education at the University of Arkansas. Of course they have you, their parents. But the idea of another loving presence is very comforting, too: Here is a being that looks after adults as well as children, a force that isn’t subject to the temporal perils that parents are.

Knowing there’s a God gives kids a sense of justice. The world may not always be fair, but many faiths teach that God is just, and will ultimately mete out justice: Good will be rewarded and evil punished. And that knowledge can provide reason enough to persevere throughout life’s rough spots - sometimes in the face of enormous odds.

In his book “The Spiritual Life of Children,” Robert Coles, a professor of psychiatry and medical humanities at Harvard University who has won numerous awards, including a Pulitzer Prize, for his books on children, describes the hundreds of conversations he’s had with youngsters about God over the course of three decades. One of these discussions was with a North Carolina girl of 8, who had to walk through a mob of angry people as she entered a newly desegregated school: “I was all alone, and those people were screaming, and suddenly I saw God smiling, and I smiled.” When the little girl was heckled by a woman who demanded to know who she was smiling at, the girl answered, “At God.” And then, she said, the woman “didn’t call me any more names.”

A belief in God can offer solace in less extreme situations as well, of course. Faith in a higher power can bolster a child who is stung by a classmate’s cruel remarks, or on the playing field, where a coach might make an unfair call. Knowing there’s a God who understands the injustices of life can be a welcome salve to such wounds.

Religious beliefs give children a moral code. Most religions imbue us with a sense of a higher authority we must all answer to and provide a clear definition of what’s right and wrong. Kindness, generosity and compassion are encouraged while acts such as lying and stealing are forbidden. Living by such tenets helps kids grow up to be responsible adults with a strong conscience to guide them.

“I know families who are convinced religion is irrelevant and that if they are good, moral people their children will grow up to be good, moral people, too,” says Steve Glazer, rabbi of Congregation Beth Emeth in Herndon, Va. “That attitude may be OK for the parents, but I don’t think it’s enough for their kids. Children need to be taught lessons in morality so they take hold and become a part of their lives.”

Religion gives children a cultural context by which to understand the world. Religious influences abound in music, art and literature. In fact, many works of art might be considered a response to or reflection of deeply held beliefs. As a result, becoming familiar with books such as the Bible enables children to better understand Western civilization, the world in which they’re growing up. Familiarity with the Judeo-Christian tradition also makes it easier for children to comprehend and enjoy such classic works as Shakespeare’s plays and Handel’s oratorios.

Next week: Encouraging spirituality in children 5 and under.

MEMO: From Working Mother Magazine; distributed by the Los Angeles Times Syndicate. Anne Cassidy is a free-lance writer and mother of three.

This sidebar appeared with the story: MORE TO COME A child’s spiritual life doesn’t flourish in a vacuum. It needs our understanding and guidance - and in different ways at different stages. In the next two weeks, we’ll offer ageappropriate guidelines to encouraging your child’s spiritual growth.