The Slice Now Try Learning English As Your Second Language

Gladys Lembcke was working as a teacher’s aide in Curlew when she found herself helping a first-grade boy with his reading.

The lad was learning about sound-alike words such as “sail” and “sale” and also about spelled-alike words that have more than one meaning and two pronunciations, such as “wind” and “lead.”

At one point, upon being informed of yet another exception to a rule of English, the exasperated young scholar clutched his head in his hands and said, through gritted teeth, “Who in the world invented this mess?”

Slice answers: Spokane’s C.J. Burns knows what the Lilac City would be called if, instead of being a city, it were actually a big summer camp. “Camp Wannabe.”

And regarding the Northwest college whose grads are most likely to refer to their alma mater in the first minute of a conversation? “Without a doubt, it is Washington State,” wrote Coulee Dam’s John McNeil.

Naming pets after celebrities: “Having been raised on a farm in northern North Dakota, we had scores of barn cats,” wrote Coeur d’Alene’s Linda Jones. “One especially beautiful calico with an exquisite white chest was named Elizabeth Taylor. Elizabeth had many ‘husbands’ and many litters. One husband was named Eddie Fisher. Eddie wasn’t around very long at all. But Liz was there for years and years.”

We’ve tested this: Friends like it when you refer to them as your “Old building and loan pal.”

And if, by chance, they can’t identify that line from “It’s a Wonderful Life,” well, they’re your friends.

The Slice’s ranking of fruit pie desirability (assuming somebody’s grandmother made them): 1. Peach. 2. Apple. 3. Cherry. 4. Huckleberry. 5. Blueberry. 6. All others.

As always, we expect everyone to agree with us.

Building transplants: One caller suggested moving New York City’s wedge shaped Flatiron Building to a spot across Riverside from the Spokane Club. And a reader in Mead would like to see the Kingdome transported to Hillyard, noting “Seattle doesn’t want it anyway.”

Today’s Slice question: What would be the hottest seller in a “Made in Spokane” store?

, DataTimes MEMO: The Slice appears Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. There is no law requiring you to greet people returning from vacations by saying “Well, hello there stranger.”