Hoopfest Teams Get Style Points
What’s in a name?
When it comes to scanning Hoopfest’s 3,891 entries, a lot of variety, some imagination and some smiles.
A quick look at the long list - from the AA Boyz to ZTD proves the point.
The NBA and major colleges are well represented. NBA namesakes include the Bulls, Pistons, Rockets, Jazz, Lakers, Spurs, Pacers, Nets, and several Magic and Raptors teams. North Carolina’s Tar Heels, with more than a dozen versions, seem to outnumber the Cougars, Dawgs, Vandals and Eagles. A whole lot of Hoyas (Georgetown) also will be hoopin’ it up.
Regarding the more imaginative entries, about 20 teams this year were asked to change the names they submitted, said Hoopfest’s executive director Rick Steltenpohl.
That’s a typical number each year, Steltenpohl said, adding that while there aren’t strict rules about names, “we watch to see if any are offensive or inappropriate.”
Some team names are sexually explicit or get too personal, he added, without citing examples.
For the Hoopfest staff which has to log in and track nearly 4,000 team entries, the more creative team names provide some fun, he said. Many of those names defy grouping, but here are our categories:
Teams With Limited Abilities
A Few Short Men, Air Impaired, As Good As Your Mom, Bound by Gravity, Brain Damage, Cartilege Impaired, Dead Men Walking, Defective Joints, Dumpy Old Men, Feelin’ Old and Fat, Got No Hops. Food and Beverage Division
AFewPuffsAndABeverage, Barley Sodas Later, Blood, Sweat and Beers, Bologna Ponies, Calories from Fat, Choke Sandwich, Ding Dongs and Hohos, Fudge.
Animal Acts
Avenging Heffers, Bavarian Water Monkeys, Carolina Sheep Dips, Chicks from Sticks, Electric Turtles, Fighting Sea Slugs, Flaming Sewermonkeys, Leaping Bullfrogs, Paranoid Piranhas, Psycho Squirrel Slayers, Reservoir Dogs and Sasquatches.
One Word Says it All
Bulges, Clueless, Clutch, Elbows, Naismith, Oxymorons and Skidmarks.
Intimidators
Above the Norm, Anti-Gravity, CourtNTrouble, Cranium Crushers, Firing Squad, Flagrant Foul, Four Guys That Bite, Hairy and Scary, Menace to the Game, Rage Against Insanity, We Don’t Shower and Your Worst Nightmare.
Numbers Game
Since rules allow four players per team, 80 or more squads use some version of “Four” - Four Bad Players, Four Guys Without a Clue, Four U Two NV and several takes on Four Play.
Hoop-somethings
Hoop Doggy Dog, Hoop Flesh, Hoop It Up, Hoop Troop, Hoopstas, Hoops R Us, and, of course, Hoop Dreams.
Another 20 teams are Fab Fours or Fantastic Fours. Seventy more teams use “Three,” as in Three Hicks and a Slicker, Three Guys and a Ball Hog, Three Stooges, Three Spooges and Three Timers.
Fifty or more are “Team”something: Team Worm, Team That Sucks, Team Swollen and Team Heatstroke. There are 30 “Dream Teams” and at least a dozen each using “Old,” “Lady,” “Nothing” (Nothing But Net, Nothing Finer, Nothing Special), “Rim” (Slammers, Shakers, Rippers, Rockers), “Super” (Stars, Unknowns, Flies).
Numbers/Grammar
Da Bulls are in, along with a lot of other ‘D’s‘ (D It Up, D Four Queens, D Four Crushers), ‘Da’s‘ (Da Bom Squad, Da Boyz, Da Brats), and one ‘Duh,’ as in Duh Just Passing By.
Numbers/Espanol
A dozen or more teams have Spanish titles, including many ‘EnFuegos’ (on fire). Some are translating NBC announcer Marv Albert’s overused cliche - anyone making three shots in a row is on fire.
Newstracks
At least a dozen Unabomber teams will play Hoopfest, along with a number of Freemen. One team summed up the category: Three Freemen and a Unabomber. No doubt the FBI will be standing by.
Miscellaneous
Been There Done That, Burning Sensation, CheckersChessAndPoker, Cussin Cousins, StupidIsAsStupidDoes, Two Ft Tall and Eight Ft Wide, Third Rock from the Rim and Yeah Right.
So, if you’re not playing Hoopfest or already supporting a team, pick out your favorite name and find them in the crowd.
After scanning 3,891 names, what’s my favorite? Something short, simple, succinct. Something that sums up my years of playing Hoopfest, in more ways than one: “Sore Losers.”
, DataTimes MEMO: This sidebar appeared with the story: HOOPFEST ON-LINE Have a favorite Hoopfest team name from the entries - one that’s slam-dunk better than the rest? Virtually Northwest - The Spokesman Review’s on-line service - has a contest to select the favorite team name from among the almost 3,900 entries. To vote, aim your browser at: http://www.VirtuallyNW.com, where you’ll see a link to the Hoopfest contest. Check out the contest rules, then vote by e-mail. Both you and the team could win a prize. Good luck.