Helping Plan Bulls Getaway Is No Easy Task

The Beatles fished from their rooms at the Edgewater. Billy Graham took in the drags at Spokane Raceway Park.

Even the larger than life must have lives between shows.

And when they appear in our corner of the world, it’s our duty to help.

Bigger than any president, princess or party-on rock-and-roll band, the Chicago Bulls crash the Northwest this weekend as the NBA Finals shift to Seattle.

Look! Getting out of the limousine - it’s Michael Jordan, Inc., America’s most beloved sweatshop steward (with apologies to Kathie Lee). There’s Dennis Rodman - boff-and-tell author, crossdresser, the man with the Sistine Brothel skin. And there’s Phil Jackson - the Zen master of his domain.

The road-show Bulls could fill the Kingdome or the Gorge - they certainly fill NBC but they’re obligated to tiny KeyArena, which will be stretched to accommodate just the celebrities who’ll flock to gawk. Not to drop any names, but the rock star who did - the artist formerly known as Prince - was courtside at Game 2 in Chicago. So was Bob Dole - who you know, I know and the whole country knows was chinning himself at the YMCA when James Naismith invented the game.

True, the Bulls have been up here for one-night stands, but now they have upwards of a week to fill - providing their warmup act, the Seattle SuperSonics, can play themselves into an encore beyond Game 4.

Can the Bulls find enough to pass the two and three days between games? Can they elude the mobs ringing their Seattle hotel?

Yes, they can. In Spokane.

(Sounds like a slogan to us.)

Now, with all due respect to the good folks downstairs at the Spokane Visitors Bureau, we’re not sure they’re equipped to handle the - how do we put it? - special leisure needs of the Bulls.

Sure, they can point Michael Jordan to a golf course. But can they tell him where the action is?

We can.

“I think we could squeeze him into a foursome,” said Gary Lindeblad, the head pro at Indian Canyon. “And if he wanted to get a wager down, I’m sure we could find him one.

“I know some guys who would lose $1,000 to him just to say they did.”

In particular, Lindeblad is familiar with a game that floats from city course to county course and involves as many as a dozen golfers “who don’t play for a ton of money, but it can get pretty serious.” They’re restaurant owners and businessmen and “a guy named Lefty,” Lindeblad said.

Mike, a word of advice:

Never play golf with a guy named Lefty.

Of course, sometimes golf isn’t action enough for His Airness. You’ll recall the furor during the 1993 Eastern Conference finals in New York, when Jordan zipped down to Atlantic City for a run at the tables.

And though it’s chump chips by Vegas standards, Jordan could do worse than a stop at any of the fine area tribal casinos.

“I know he likes craps and we don’t have that,” said Jerry Krieg of Coeur d’Alene Tribal Bingo Casino. “We do have some dollar slots - jackpots up to $40,000 or $50,000 on our progressive slots. We paid one out last week at $53,000.

“So he could come over and win a day’s salary. Wait, is that even a day’s salary for him?”

Not every Bull is a high roller, and certainly not all have Jordan’s high profile. What, for instance, do you do for the more down-home - or at least Down Under - tastes of center Luc Longley?

Well, we asked his countryman and namesake, Luke Egan, who plays his basketball at Eastern Washington University.

“Wow, that’s a tough one,” said Egan. “My first advice to him would be not to come over here because there isn’t (diddly) to do here.

“I could take him to Outback Jack’s - it’s not Australian, but I guess the name speaks for itself. I could take him over to Goofy’s and meet some of the country locals.

“I guess I’d take him to the Vu.”

That’s Vu as in Deja.

Which is as good a segue as any into Dennis Rodman, and how to keep him entertained as badly as he wants to be.

Well, for Dennis we’ve lined up the whole treatment.

First, a stop at the Spokane Dermatology Clinic, where for something like $100 a square inch Rodman can remove a few of his older, out-of-favor tattoos to make room for something new.

“Some people will come in to have a name of a former boyfriend or girlfriend removed,” reported Mark Craze, the clinic administrator. “Whether they go out and have a new one put on, I don’t know.”

After that, we could introduce him to any of several outstanding tattoo artists in the area.

Walt Dailey at Tiger Tattoo on East Sprague envisions “a nice big panther or something - maybe the name ‘Rodman’ in old English lettering across his back.

“If you see him, tell him to drop on in. I’m not a huge sports fan, but I am a fan of characters and Rodman certainly is one.”

At River City Tattoo, Constance Eller-Doughty isn’t a sports fan, either, though she has illustrated the likes of New York Jets defensive end Marvin Washington and former Spokane Chief Mick Vukota “before he went off to New York.”

And she’s impressed with Rodman’s personal mural, and wouldn’t mind adding her touch.

“I’ve got a pretty neat fish eye,” she said. “It’s a good symbol for the Northwest. If they conquer the Sonics, he could have it for half price. Or I’d do it for about 10 percent of what he makes.”

Is she concerned that Rodman may have run out of room for more tattoos?

“Oh, there’s always plenty of room - we just feed you lasagna until there’s more,” she said.

Freshly illustrated, Rodman would be ready for our third stop - Chee Chee’s, the one-stop makeover mart on Francis.

There his picture would be fed into a computer, which would spit out images of him in eight to 12 different hair styles and colors - “and for as often as he colors his hair, it’s good to have options,” advised Kris Chapman, one of Chee Chee’s operators.

From there it’s into the makeup chair - where he could be the store’s first male to get the full treatment.

“I can’t imagine a man would do that,” said Chapman, “unless he was an actor or a drag queen.”

Or Dennis, it was suggested.

“True.”

Finally, clothes. And what better place to shop for Dennis’ new duds than the Erotique Boutique?

“I’m sure we’ve got something for him,” said Mark, a clerk at the northside store. “We’ve got feather boas and some leather and rubber wear he might appreciate.”

What about sizes? Dennis goes 6-foot-8 and 220 pounds, Mark was warned.

“We could probably find some two-piece items that would work rather well,” he said. “We have some long dresses - very shiny. They reflect light rather well.”

Unlike Rodman, who absorbs it.

“And he might like the camouflage or snakeskin body suits. Very stretchy. One size fits all.”

Mark said he’s been pulling for the Sonics, but that he doesn’t have much faith the home-state heroes will pull the series out. He also wouldn’t give his last name.

“I’m not supposed to talk to the press,” he said. “But I don’t care - my last day’s a week from Monday.”

Ours, too, Mark. We’re getting into the celebrity tourist business instead.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo

MEMO: You can contact John Blanchette by voice mail at 459-5577, extension 5509.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Blanchette The Spokesman-Review