‘The Rock’ Is Far Fron Solid Don’t Go Expecting To Find Anything New

Oh, that’s just about the most awful thing I’ve ever seen,” Nicolas Cage says in “The Rock.”

He’s wincing at the sight of a corpse, but he could well have been describing the movie itself.

In most ways, this brutal exploitation flick is every bit as violent and soulless as, say, a Jean-Claude Van Damme blastfest. But “The Rock” has just a drop of finesse, and that drop could turn out to be box-office gold.

The cast is eminently respectable. Not only is recent Oscar-winner Cage (“Leaving Las Vegas”) on board, so are recent Oscar-nominee Ed Harris (“Apollo 13”) and Oscar-winner Sean Connery (“The Untouchables”).

They have fun with their roles (especially Cage), and their playfulness does help. But only so much.

The title refers to Alcatraz Island, a former maximum-security prison that, in recent years, has become a tourist attraction. The plot concerns what happens when a super-patriot called Gen. Hummel (Harris) and his team of disgruntled commandos seize control of Alcatraz and the 81 tourists who happen to be there at the time.

What they want is official government recognition of some Marines who worked on secret missions. They also want millions of dollars.

Why do they choose to take over Alcatraz instead of, for example, taking a bunch of hostages to some secret location? Frankly, this was never quite clear to me.

It’s probably similar to the reason that the bad guys in Van Damme’s “Sudden Death” kidnapped the vice president during the seventh game of the Stanley Cup finals in a packed sports arena.

That, of course, was because … come to think of it, I was never quite clear about that either.

But “Sudden Death” isn’t the only movie “The Rock” resembles. Director Michael Bay (Bad Boys) and the screenwriters (David Weisberg, Doulgas S. Cook and Mark Rosner) steal a little from everywhere, including (but not limited to) “Die Hard” and “Lethal Weapon.”

Of course, grabbing ideas from other movies isn’t necessarily a crime. What bothers me is that the filmmakers steal without bringing anything fresh to the mix.

They just jam it all together with MTV editing and turn the heavymetal soundtrack up real loud. It’s the sort of pummeling style that you’d expect from the film’s producers, Jerry Bruckheimer and the late Don Simpson, whose work includes “Flashdance,” “Top Gun” and “Bad Boys.”

“The Rock” is dedicated to Simpson, and I’d say it’s a fitting tribute.

Stanley Goodspeed, the man Cage plays, is a biochemist for the FBI. He’s something like the hero of the “Red October” series - a desk jockey who is suddenly pressed into service as an action hero.

As for Connery’s character, Patrick Mason is a former British spy who was once imprisoned at Alcatraz, from which he managed to escape. Mason is like what Connery’s James Bond would be like if he’d lived behind bars for many years.

After Gen. Hummel and his merry para-military band take over the island, Goodspeed and Mason reluctantly team to break in and free the hostages. If they don’t succeed in less than 48 hours, Hummel may launch rockets carrying enough chemicals to destroy all life in nearby San Francisco.

Early in “The Rock,” there’s an almost-pointless “Speed”-like car chase, and later there’s a syringe-inthe-heart scene that can only bring to mind “Pulp Fiction.” Which is not to imply that “The Rock” is in any way as entertaining as either of those movies.

It isn’t. And if it’s not the most awful thing I’ve ever seen, it’s close enough to make me wince.

MEMO: This sidebar appeared with the story: “The Rock” Locations: East Sprague, Newport and Coeur d’Alene cinemas Credits: Directed by Michael Bay, starring Nicolas Cage, Ed Harris and Sean Connery Running time: 1:43 Rating: PG-13