Why Can’t We All Just Get Along? Stop To Smell The Roses - And Communicate - Book Says

Close encounters of the outdoor kind can require couples and families to confront problems they’re able to avoid at home - a mixed blessing, a psychologist says.

“Unfortunately, in our daily lives, we often resolve things by avoiding them,” said Brian Baird, chairman of the psychology department at Pacific Lutheran University in Tacoma and author of “Are We Having Fun Yet? Enjoying the Outdoors With Partners, Families and Groups” (Mountaineers-Books).

“In the outdoors, you may not have that opportunity. You can’t go to the next tent and watch TV.”

Often, problems arise because the individuals have completely different images of what constitutes fun, Baird said. He recalled watching a woman laboriously inching down Mount Bachelor on her bottom while her skier husband fumed.

“I told you not to take me up here!” she said.

“She was afraid,” Baird observed. “He had no understanding of her fear. That wasn’t going to be a happy night in the lodge.”

Expectations are the key, he said. One person may want to hike briskly while the another wants to stop and smell the flowers. One may want to tackle the toughest ski trails, while another wants to sit by the fire and watch the snow fall.

Unfortunately, most people don’t discuss these expectations before the trip, he said.

During the trip, Baird has found one basic question that helps ease tense situations, as illustrated by a hike he and his wife made with another couple in the Olympics.

“It was 17.5 miles of incessant downpour with 70-pound packs and mud up to our ankles,” Baird said. “We had been hiking fast to get out of there.” When the question was asked - “Are we having fun?” - his wife’s response was a fervent “No.” She said she wanted to stop and eat something.

“It turned out that simple stop really helped,” Baird said. “In fact, we all really needed food. Under those conditions, if you don’t stay fueled, hypothermia is a real possibility.

“Stopping allowed us to communicate about something that actually was terribly important.”