Flexible Flyer: It’s Not Any Sled, It’s The Classic

I was browsing through the Eddie Bauer outlet store when I found it: A Flexible Flyer sled, the perfect Christmas gift for my children.

It was the “Classic” version, unchanged since long before my childhood, emblazoned with the Flexible Flyer eagle logo. The F.F. artisans have long been in possession of one of the finest designs ever committed to wood and metal, and they have been smart enough not to mess with it.

“Look at this!” I said to my wife. “Imagine the delight on our little tots’ faces when they see this under the tree on Christmas morning!”

“They’re teenagers,” she said. “They want Weezer CDs.”

“You’re never too old for a good sled,” I said, getting out my wallet. “They’ll love it.”

I experienced an odd feeling as I drove home with this big box in my trunk, a feeling of covetousness. I couldn’t wait to rip that thing out of its box and admire its shiny red runners, its solid wood steering bar, its artful struts and slats.

“You know,” I said to my wife as we drove home. “Maybe we shouldn’t wait until Christmas. Let’s give it to the little tykes now. Otherwise, we’ll be wasting all of that snow between now and Christmas.”

“Fine, dear,” she said.

I rushed into the house and told my kids about their exciting early Christmas present. My kids looked up briefly from their homework and said, “Cool.”

They said they’d check it out later, probably, if they got the chance. They also said it was OK if I opened the box up myself. I believe the phrase they used was “knock yourself out.”

So I ripped that box apart and stood in silent admiration. Then I placed the sled on the living room carpet and pretended, briefly, to be skidding down a snowy slope. I may have actually made zooming noises. I am not certain.

You see, it has been a long time since I had a real sled. We have owned a collection of saucers, tubes and plastic sled-like devices, but they are sad substitutes for the glory of a genuine sled. For one thing, you can’t steer a saucer. You can jump off it seconds before it hits the tree, but you can’t steer it like a Flexible Flyer.

Also, the very name Flexible Flyer has a powerful, Rosebud-like place in my consciousness. Not only did I have a beloved Flexible Flyer sled, but I was the proud owner of a Flexy Racer, a Flexible Flyer product that was simultaneously the most fun toy on my block and the most dangerous toy on earth.

A Flexy Racer was essentially a Flexible Flyer with rubber wheels. No need for snow; all you needed was a nice steep street and a high tolerance for friction burns. You could steer it like a sled, and it had rudimentary brakes on the front wheels. However, the only reliable stopping method was to veer off onto somebody’s lawn and roll off.

Imagine the thrill of being 8 years old, screaming down the street at 20 miles an hour, six inches from the asphalt, no helmet, no gloves, no long pants. No wonder I loved my Flexy Racer more than any other toy; no wonder they quit making them 30 years ago, no doubt on advice from their lawyers.

Anyway, on Tuesday night, I decided to gather the kids together and inaugurate our new sled.

“OK, gang,” I said. “Who wants to go sledding?”

“Umm, we have homework,” my kids said.

My children are very studious. So I went down to Manito Park by myself.

I was the oldest person out there by 30 years, but I didn’t care. I threw that Flexy into some beautiful snow-throwing skids. I streaked over that snow like a red blur. I bombed down the highest hills I could find, and never once did I chicken out and drag my toes.

I felt like I was 11 years old, flying with my Flexy Racer again.

At least there’s one kid in the family enjoying this present.

, DataTimes MEMO: To leave a message on Jim Kershner’s voice-mail, call 459-5493. Or send e-mail to jimk@spokesman.com, or regular mail to Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Jim Kershner The Spokesman-Review