The Slice Set Down In The Eat Area And Make Yourself Comfortable

It has hardwood floors, but the spelling needs a little fixing up.

Here are a few highlights from a house-for-sale info sheet available outside a South Hill home this week.

“Fornal dinning room.”

“Breakfeast eat area/w view.”

“Large porch for setting.”

Hmmmm. Isn’t there a law against “fornal dinning,” even between consenting adults? Or maybe that’s just in Idaho.

You know someone’s not cut out for camping when: “You see her putting on makeup.” - Elaine Oldenburg

“He or she asks if the tent comes with cable TV.”- Steve Mason

“The person wants to order pizza when you are 50 miles from nowhere.” - Dan Oehlwein

“They have a backpack filled with all sorts of ultra-lightweight equipment and gadgets but, all together, the pack can barely be lifted.” - Tim Duffy

“They pack a curling iron and hair dryer.” - Stacey Jones

“All the camp cookware have electric cords attached.” - S.W.

“They look at the campsite and ask, ‘Where’s the bathroom?”’ - Tracey Fisher

“When they complain about ‘getting dirty.”’ - Peggy Allen

And so on.

Readers shared real-life camping stories to illustrate this theme. For instance, Rita Yturri told about a friend who always sleeps in the car.

Several others described get-away-from-it-all companions who decided to go camp in a motel. And one reader told about a neighbor whose idea of a successful camping trip includes finding a neat restaurant.

Then there was the woman who, in an attempt to keep her nightgown from riding up, tried to crawl into her sleeping bag head-first, thinking she could turn around at the bottom.

Our favorite story came from Karen Mabbutt. She worked at a campground where this one couple stayed for a month in a “super deluxe mansion of a motor home.”

But the thing that convinced Mabbutt that they weren’t into the spirit of roughing it was the fact that they had the Swell Paper delivered to their door every morning.

Bigger and more boring than ever: The fifth and final Slice Business Card Contest is coming, with a few different twists this time. Stay tuned.

Today’s Slice question: The elimination of what one word from the local vocabulary would render many of this area’s residents practically speechless?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing

MEMO: The Slice appears Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. KAYU-TV ought to run addiction warnings with its weeknight “Cheers” reruns.