The Hot Seat A Weekly Look At People In The News

Phil Batt takes on the temple of Doggy Doom

Gov. Phil Batt is recommending changes that will protect the dogs and eliminate betting fraud at the Coeur d’Alene Greyhound Park. One thing Batt wants is random drug testing of dogs that finish below first or second place. Apparently some trainers let their dogs lie around, smoke marijuana and drink beer before they run. The dogs don’t complain and the trainer makes money by betting against his own sluggish animal. We have an idea for Batt’s list of reforms. Every night, right after the national anthem, gather all the greyhounds into two lines on the infield. Then, dress the dog abusers in rabbit suits and make them run the gantlet. Have any ideas for reforms at the dog track? Call us at 459-5405.

Mouse-get-ears

A couple of weeks ago we sounded the alarm about tissue regeneration experiments being done on rats. It’s dangerous business dealing with rats because those buggers will turn on you. That’s why they’re called rats. But now the mad scientists have gone too far. They grew a human ear on the back of a hairless rat. Shortly after the ear showed up on the rodent, affectionately known as Mouse Perot, it began squealing uncontrollably and launched a campaign to take over management of the lab.

Sen. Larry Craig’s Lonely Hearts Club Band? Not.

We only received a few suggestions for Sen. Larry Craig’s new band but they were zingers. We had to throw out all the names that began with flaming except for “The Flamethrowers.” One caller suggested “The Cowpies” after that boffo pop group the Cowsills, which the caller insisted weren’t any good either. But the winner is Lonnie Dunlap of Pullman who called to recommend we name Craig and his band “History.” Zing.

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MEMO: The Hot Seat is an irreverent look at controversial issues in the news. The views expressed are those of the writer. Today’s Hot Seat was written by Scott Sines.