Reaching Out Teen’s Tragic Suicide Reminds Us All To Talk About Problems, Pressures

Before Sept. 12, I harbored this sheltered outlook on teen suicide. It was a very distant and indifferent outlook, and one that suggested only the very meek and unsuccessful would be willing to destroy something as precious as their own life. Although I’ve watched a myriad of “90210s” and family sitcoms dealing with the suicide of family members or close friends, I honestly never feared someone near my own heart would ever choose such an escape.

On that particular Tuesday, however, what was once so distant sprang into my pure blue skies and twisted them to a dampened gray. My friend, Craig Toribara, my soccer playing, hilariously sarcastic pal, committed suicide.

Craig was not meek nor unsuccessful. An Olympic Development soccer player, an AP/ Honors student, the senior class treasurer, a talented viola, saxophone and piano player, and a good-looking guy with a caustic wit and a considerate personality, Craig impressed all around him with a sense of authority and wisdom far beyond his years. He had already received several invitations to various and extremely prestigious colleges around the country. The day after he died, Johns Hopkins University called to offer him a spot on the soccer team and, not to mention, a spot in their renowned educational atmosphere.

Outwardly, Craig epitomized the perfect American Boy: He was popular, he was friendly, he was athletic and he was insurmountably bright.

So you can understand the disbelief felt by all who knew him when we heard of his suicide. All of us, any of us, would have reached out a hand if he had told us he was drowning. For some strange reason, Craig refused to let anyone know the pressure and agony he experienced inwardly, and his tacit reserve led to self-destruction.

I know for certain Craig’s death will not be a complete loss. It honestly opened the eyes of those who knew him. As I gaze from friend to friend, I realize how fragile life truly is. We must revel in it while it still exists, whether it be our own or someone close.

As I turn Craig’s death over and over in my head, I constantly wish I had more time to tell him how great he was, how smart he was, how funny, and how he needn’t pressure himself so much. Sometimes I imagine myself talking to Craig, but then the apparition vanishes, and I’m left with the cold fact that he is gone forever.

I always had the tendency to use “forever” so nonchalantly (“I will have zits forever,” or something stupid like that), but it’s rare and depressing when forever is not some sort of hyperbole.

I admonish all of you - depressed or jubilant, frustrated or satisfied - to cry and shout when you feel the world pushing down on your shoulders, scream and punch the wall or your pillow until you feel exhausted. Just talk. To friends, to family, to a hot-line operator or a counselor in your school. Expose your pain to others, and they can help you heal. Whatever you do, try to remember there is no problem too big you cannot handle, and just hang in there. It will get better.

Teenagers in our society carry more pressure than any other generation. Our motto is “strive for certain goals and, if you reach them, make higher ones.” Sometimes, the standard set by a slave-driving society becomes too intense, and teens feel trapped. Craig had scholarships handed to him from the country’s top schools, but his heart just wasn’t in it. As many teenagers feel, Craig saw his entire life set out before him, and no matter what, an immense amount of pressure loomed ominously. He saw only one route to peace.

But there are other, better routes. Pressured teens need to obey their own heart instead of attempting to fill the image teachers, friends, parents and society desire. Who really cares if you don’t get an “A” or make it into the best college in the country? Please yourself. Live your own life and do what’s best for you.

I suppose the best way to deal with Craig’s death is to learn from it and to remember him. I often think about kicking the ball around with him at the South Complex and pillow-fighting with him at Paul’s house and pushing him out of his desk in U.S. History last year. I know I will always miss him.

And to those of you who did not have the fortune to know him, I wrote this article not only for Craig but for you. Realize the strength you have in relationships. Communicate. Do what is best for you. And most importantly, live.

MEMO: This sidebar appeared with the story: GETTING HELP Friends, family, teachers, counselors and ministers are always on hand if you need to talk to someone about depression or thoughts of suicide. If you’d rather speak to someone anonymously, call 838-4428 in Spokane and 664-1443 in Coeur d’Alene.