Watch Out Hollywood, Sean’s Out Of His Penn

The biography of actor-director Sean Penn should make intriguing reading.

First, he made some good movies (“Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” “The Falcon and the Snowman”), then he met Madonna. Then he started spitting at photographers, then he married Madonna. Then he started hitting movie extras, then he divorced Madonna.

Then he went to jail, after which he made some more good movies (“State of Grace,” “Carlito’s Way”). Along the way somewhere, he took up with actress Robin Wright, with whom he had a couple of kids.

But now, after what Penn describes as “a four-year headache,” Wright has “dumped him.” “I would never end a relationship where I had kids,” Penn told Details magazine. “But when trust gets broken, it’s hard to repair.”

Loose talk

REM lead singer Michael Stipe (in “Out” magazine): “If I had slept with everybody that I was supposed to have, I wouldn’t have the energy to eat or sleep, let alone make records, videos, go on tour, be a photographer, do interviews, live my life on the side.”

Too bad she’s been feeling a bit alienated lately

Sigourney Weaver turns 46 today.

This Brit-royal is certainly no bird brain

This is a verbatim quote from an Associated Press story that moved Friday: “Queen Elizabeth II suffered a mild bruise after a shot grouse fell from the Scottish sky and glanced off her royal shoulder.”

Is that grouse the noun, or is it grouse the verb?

This is a verbatim response to the above Associated Press story concerning Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II: “‘A famous grouse perhaps it may become, but not one that will alter the course of history,’ a Buckingham Palace spokesman said Thursday.”

You can read this in between replaying your fave videos

And now, get ready for “O.J.: The Publishing War.” The first book out of the box is from St. Martin’s Press. Clifford Linedecker’s “OJ: A to Z - The Complete Handbook to the Trial of the Century” will be available in November. Meanwhile, Dominick Dunne’s continuing magazine coverage can be read in November’s Vanity Fair, which is already on the stands.

And they seemed so perfect for each other

The six-month marriage between Nicolas Cage and Patricia Arquette appears to be over. They showed up separately at last month’s premiere of Arquette’s film “Beyond Rangoon.” Members of the press were told to not ask why.

Who’s he think he is, anyway, Tupac Shakur?

Singer Bobby Brown has agreed to allow a blood test in answer to a Boston woman’s paternity case. According to the suit, Lacresha Robinson claims that Brown fathered her little girl while they were both living in Atlanta three years ago. Brown, who was involved in a recent fatal shooting outside of a night club, is the estranged husband of Whitney Houston.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Photos

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster