Cheap Seats

Still talking a good game

At 66, Pancho Gonzalez still delivers a mean backhand. “At his best,” Gonzalez began, critiquing Rod Laver in the New York Times, “I think I might’ve had too much court coverage for him. He was a great athlete, but he didn’t have the thinking part.”

Bill Tilden did, but couldn’t fool Gonzalez. “I admired him because he loved the game so much,” Gonzalez said. “I played with him in Spokane when he was 50, but the armory court was 6 feet too long on each side. He offered me $2,500 to tour South Africa with him, but when he told me he was getting $10,000, I said, ‘How’s that? I’m beating you.’ I didn’t go.”

Never let ‘em see ya sweat

Jim Harrick, Kelvin Sampson, John Calipari and Bob Bender won’t be getting together at the Final Four. But that couldn’t keep the coaches from conspiring on a Fragrant Four.

Coming soon to a television near you, a deodorant commercial featuring UCLA’s Harrick, Oklahoma’s Sampson, UMass’ Calipari and Washington’s Bender. The ad was shot last week at UCLA.

“I don’t think I have a future in acting,” Bender said, “but it was interesting. It was so authentic, you could be yourself on the sideline.”

Players, referees and fans simulated game conditions as accurately as possible.

Bender was granted one concession, however - the three losses won’t count on UW’s record.

Kissing injuries goodbye

Derek Brown, a U.S. team handball player, kisses his knees before every practice and game.

“I started doing this after three teammates blew out their knees while we were on a handball trip in Eastern Europe,” Brown explains. “So people will see me kissing my knees three or four times, and that’s why. I’ll never miss a day.”

Good thing his teammates didn’t suffer pulled groins.

As close as he’s come to making a splash

Sometimes it’s easy to see trades coming. Chris Webber and the Warriors, for example. Kendall Gill and the Sonics, for another.

So don’t be surprised when the Montreal Canadiens deal third-line center Paul Dipietro. Before a recent game, coach Jacques Demers had words with Dipietro, scratched him from the lineup and threw Dipietro’s equipment into the whirlpool.

Employee relations

Don Pierson reports in the Chicago Tribune that Bears defensive back Shaun Gayle recently got two phone calls from club officials: “One informed him that he tied Jeff Graham for the Brian Piccolo Award for veterans, given to the player who exemplifies the courage, loyalty, teamwork, dedication and sense of humor of the late Piccolo. The other informed him he was no longer a Bear.”

The last word …

“Now that the Gulls are leaving San Diego for Los Angeles, maybe L.A. can return the favor and send us its minor league hockey team. The Kings.”

- Nick Canepa, San Diego Tribune