Cheap Seats
Can an O.J. game be far behind?
Crime pays, or at least spawns video games. The kung-fu kick to a fan that landed soccer star Eric Cantona in a British court is now, uh, family entertainment.
The video game “Fever Pitch Soccer,” subtitled “Bringing the Game into Disrepute,” goes on sale next month. In it, players foul each other and billboards show a Cantona look-alike threatening a fan with the words: “Parlez-vous kung-fu?” The game’s slogan is “You’re going home in an ambulance.”
“We had a rough idea for the game before the Cantona incident, but Eric doing what he did was a stroke of fortune for us,” said creator Howard Glover, who denied the video promoted violence. “It is supposed to be satirical, a bit of a laugh.”
Stop, you’re killing us.
In whose foursome was Bishop Pickering?
Would you believe the Greater Manila Pope John Paul II Open? A golf tournament named in honor of His Holiness was staged last weekend in the Philippines presidential palace compound.
The JP II Classic was an attempt to offset criticism of President Fidel Ramos’ suggestion that a crescent moon be added to the Philippine flag to acknowledge the country’s Muslims. The country is 85 percent Catholic.
Ramos said the tournament was launched with the blessing of a marker at a portion of the golf course, where a helicopter took off on Jan. 15 to bring the Pope to the site of a papal mass.
Hope they had holy water in the ballwashers.
The Maine event
Muhammad Ali plans to return to Lewiston, Maine, in September to celebrate its bicentennial and the 30th anniversary of his bizarre knockout of Sonny Liston.
Organizers were hoping many of the “dignitaries” involved in the 1965 fight would return, which will be tough because most of them - Liston, referee Joe Walcott (who botched the count) and Ring magazine poobah Nat Fleischer (who appointed himself in charge at ringside) - are dead. That leaves Robert Goulet, who mangled the national anthem.
“We would love to have him,” said organizer Rick LaChapelle. “But his management wants $20,000.”
Betcha Wayne Newton would only charge $10,000 to screw up the lyrics.
From the home office in Grand Rapids …
The NHL playoffs are over but David Letterman still has a list of the Top 10 ways to make hockey more exciting, among them:
10. During playoffs, players dress up as their favorite Ice Capades character.
9. Canadians must play in bare feet.
7. Just barely visible under ice: frozen body of Walt Disney.
6. Replace Zamboni with white Ford Bronco.
5. Your New Jersey Devils starting goalie - Miss Katharine Hepburn.
4. New snack bar item: players’ missing teeth dipped in fudge.
2. Only guys named Stanley get to wear a cup.
1. Let Michael Jordan take a crack at it.
The last word …
“Do you think they’ll change Yankee Stadium’s nickname to ‘The Halfway House That Ruth Built?”’ - Writer Bob Lacey, on the Yankees’ signing of Darryl Strawberry
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo