Hey, Ms. Turner, You’re Called Kathleen, Not Tina

W. Speers of The Philadelphia Inquirer, who collects a ton of celebrity garbage daily from all those New York tabloids, tells a pretty juicy story about Kathleen Turner.

Seems the sturdily built actress, who is married to musician Jay Weiss, visited hubby and his band (The Suits) as they were performing a gig in a northern New Jersey nightspot last weekend.

But a mere wave wasn’t enough of a greeting. Turner went onstage and hugged Weiss, who hustled her off. After awhile, though, she grabbed the microphone and - sources say - tried to sing.

This time Weiss hustled her out of the nightclub completely. Mercifully, he waited until they got the their Mercedes before, Speers writes, “he really unloaded on her.”

Loose talk

Janet Jackson on family lessons (in Essence magazine): “My dad taught us that there’s no greater distance than that between first and second place.” As a director, his career has been a real star trek

Nicholas Meyer turns 50 today.

Is rock profitable? Does a tyrannosaur have teeth?

Dinosaur rock pays off. The five top-grossing tour acts of 1995 were, in order: The Eagles ($63.3 million in 58 shows), Boyz II Men ($43.2 mil in 134), R.E.M. ($38.7 million in 81), Grateful Dead ($33.5 million in 45) and Jimmy Page-Robert Plant ($32.4 million in 68 shows).

It gives new meaning to the phrase ‘shooting a video’

During a break over last weekend from his Los Angeles murder trial, rapper Snoop Doggy Dogg decided to shoot a video in Brooklyn. To the surprise of everyone, real shots rang out. To producer Rich Ford, it was an attempt on Snoop’s life, but his spokesman merely termed it “a freak occurrence.”

Her advice: ‘Drink your O.J. and keep your mouth shut’

The question: “What is your most memorable brush with fame?” The respondent: Kathie Lee Gifford. Her answer: It involves meeting Anita Bryant. The source: InStyle magazine.

Then again, Jeffrey Dahmer finished way, way back

According to one wire report, the Time magazine cover that trumpets Newt Gingrich’s selection as 1995 Man of the Year has the House speaker “looking like a slightly crazed serial killer.”

And he certainly doesn’t know what he is not saying

Stung by his ex-wife’s accusations that he is, among other things, a deadbeat dad, Jermaine Jackson called Margaret Maldonado Jackson “the biggest liar going.” As for her claim that he once denied paternity, Jackson said, “I never once denied they were not my children.”

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Photos

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster