Cheap Seats

Some frank talk about the Super Bowl

The NFL is unhappy that fans must wait 15-20 minutes to get a hot dog at Phoenix games - especially since the Super Bowl will be played at Sun Devil Stadium. “We want people to come out saying they had a good time, not saying they couldn’t get a soft drink in the second quarter,” said the NFL’s Jim Steeg, who noted that most Super Bowl fans are corporate executives earning an average of $70,000 a year and that a third make more than $100,000.

To deal with the Super Bowl, Fine Host Corp., the stadium concessionaire, plans to ship in a dozen executives from other venues it operates.

Swell. At least those $70,000-a-year executives will be served by one of their own.

Obviously, Shaq is all Riled up

If you think you hate Pat Riley, you haven’t talked to Shaquille O’Neal lately. “I totally blame Riley for my broken thumb, not Matt Geiger,” Shaq said the other night - and before a follow-up question could be posed, Shaq was ranting and raving.

“Every time Pat Riley goes to a new team, the SOBs think they play great defense,” said O’Neal, with one specific expletive sprinkled liberally through his remarks. “You’ve got guys like Keith Askins, who has never played a day of defense in his life. He still can’t play no defense. And the next time Keith Askins spits, I’m gonna knock it back down his throat. But my problem is with Riley. That ain’t defense Miami is playing. That’s just chopping. I have no idea how his team gets away with it. But they always get away with that kind of play. I guess when you’ve been in the league 30 years, you can do it. Respect. He gets it. He’s like (John) Gotti.”

And he scores on the rebound

After Paul Coffey of the Red Wings became the fourth player in NHL history to get 1,000 assists, he was called to the phone between periods. Wayne Gretzky was on the line. “You’ve only got about five or six hundred more to go until you catch me,” the Great One said.

Later, Coffey rued not having a better comeback.

“If I would have been thinking,” said Coffey, “I would have said, ‘Oh, I thought this was the president. Who are you?”’

There’s less than 10 gallons under his hat

Federal agencies are working toward banning the advertisement of alcohol and tobacco products at sporting events. But that old Senate watchdog Conrad Burns, R-Mont., is riding to the rescue by co-sponsoring the Rodeo Freedom Act of 1995, which would exempt rodeo from sponsorship regulations.

“These sponsors are the life-blood of rodeo,” Burns said. “Rodeo is the backbone of sports entertainment in many Western states. We have to do what we can to protect this important activity.”

Which important activity is that, Senator? Lung cancer, lip cancer or cirrhosis of the liver?

The value of sportsmanstrip

A girls basketball team in South Dakota had its panty waistbands and bra straps inspected at a YMCA tournament after a referee accused the squad of having a male player. Scott Ten Fingers, coach of the Loneman School team in Oglala, said the accusation was made by a team the girls had recently defeated.

Without Loneman’s knowledge, a YMCA volunteer took the girls into a locker room, and each one had to show her bra straps and the top of her underpants. The sting operation uncovered plenty - but no boys.

Loneman went on to win the tourney. Ten Fingers said the team will return next year, “but we’ll take birth certificates for all the players.”

The last word …

“I really don’t think I’ll have a problem with it. If I’m making the kind of money Jim Carrey’s making, I’ll dress in drag.”

- Bo Jackson, pursuing a film career, on whether he’d be willing to play villains

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo