One problem with some of the best ideas for oddball feature stories is they would require a time machine.

And unless you are on speaking terms with Sherman and Mr. Peabody, those can be hard to come by.

Tomorrow is the 3rd of June. "Another sleepy, dusty delta day." For those of us of a certain age, that conjures memories of Bobbie Gentry's hit song from the summer of 1967, "Ode to Billie Joe."

I was 12 that summer. I can remember my friends and I analyzing and interpreting that Southern Gothic story-song to death. But -- and here's the problem -- I can't actually recall any of our theories.

I am quite certain, readers would find them rather amusing today.

Yes, I know of the darker speculation about just what it was Billie Joe McAllister was throwing off that bridge. But something tells me my peers and I had other theories. Guesses so ludicrous, it would have made for a delightful report from the pop-culture beat.

Hence the need for the time machine.

Oh sure, I could ask kids today. But they wouldn't know what I was talking about. And I assume some of them would ask me, as one neighbor child did a few years ago, "Are you a stranger or a bad person?"

No, kid. I'm just a baby boomer who's not getting any younger.

 

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