Whenever I encounter the expression "drunk with power," two occupations come to mind: Church ushers and crossing guards.

I have been both, so I know a little about this.

We can discuss church ushers another day. But crossing guards came up just recently when I was reminded that not everyone remembers when it was strictly a kid-run proposition.

Boys outfitted with orange belts and an over-the-shoulder strap with a badge exercised their authority at street corners near grade schools across the nation. Though we were not truly a paramilitary organization, a few of us believed we had limited arrest powers.

This one patrol boy at my school, a kid named Arthur, was an aspiring sixth-grade fascist. He liked this young bombshell named Marsha. So Arthur decided the way to win Marsha's heart was to assert his authority over her as a crossing guard. This usually meant making her wait on his corner for a ludicrous amount of time while he scanned the thoroughfares for any trace of traffic.

He was pretty heavy handed about this, as I recall.Barking orders at her and what-not.

Some of Arthur's brothers in arms advised him that the way to get a girl to like you was to be funny and light-hearted. But did Arthur listen? He did not. He'd see Marsha coming and go into junior Storm Trooper mode.

It did not work. Marsha was not charmed.

I wonder what ever became of Arthur. I wonder if he ever learned that girls like a boy who can make them laugh. I hope Arthur lightened up. And I hope Marsha found a guy who made her smile instead of wince.

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