When I was the leader of the Beatles, I once had to fire this kid named Jeff Spencer.

I didn't want to do it. But you know how it is.

Creative differences.

This was in the third grade. Though as I recall, Jeff was a fourth grader.

Three friends and I would go down into Bruce Larson's basement and pretend to be the Fab Four after school.

We would put "Meet The Beatles" on the turntable and then make believe that brooms and hockey sticks were guitars. A cylindrical tub of detergent stood in as the drum set.

We pretended to perform the songs on that landmark album and we engaged in lively banter, employing possibly the worst British accents ever heard.

Remarkably enough, we did not feel silly. At least not at first.

Well, eventually Jeff started following us down into Bruce's basement. He joined us in acting out the songs.

You see the problem, don't you? We were supposed to be the Fab Four, not the Fab Five.

So it fell to me, the third grade John Lennon, to inform Jeff that his services were no longer required.

He didn't take it well. I guess they never do.

The band broke up not long after that. Us, that is. Not the real Beatles. They would roll on for several more years.

I can't recall to what extent girls were on our radar at that time. But those songs sure made it seem as if they were on our minds.

My favorite, even though John does not sing the lead, was "I Saw Her Standing There."

It sort of takes hold of your imagination.

Well she looked at me

And I, I could see

That before too long

I'd fall in love with her

It sure would be nice if I could hear that without thinking of Jeff Spencer.

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