We keep hearing that Santa Claus is coming to River Park Square Friday.

Bull, I say.

I don't know who he is. But I can tell you this. The guy coming to the downtown mall is a fake, a phony, a flim-flam man.

I mean, think about it. Does the real Santa Claus have time to come hang out in Spokane at this time of year?

I don't think so. This is his busy season. The big push.

Christmas is exactly five weeks away. Can you imagine Santa telling his executive team that he's going to bail on the home office and go hang out for a few weeks in Whoville, Washington? 

So let's face it. Whoever is coming to RPS Friday is not Saint Nick. I have a good mind to go over there and challenge him.

"Tell me if I have been naughty or nice, old man. Tell me! Ha. You don't know, do you? And you came here in an SUV, not behind flying reindeer.This whole thing is chestnuts!"

Now maybe the mall managers simply have been duped. For all I know, they sincerely believe that the red-suited dude due in two days calls the North Pole home.

That would be a pretty sad commentary on the sort of background checks they do over there. But maybe Santagate is just an administrative blunder and not a calculated holiday scam.

Of course, the children will see through the imposter. Sure, they'll play along to avoid embarrassing their parents. But any kid with half a brain will know the guy with the fake beard isn't the bona fide Jolly Old Elf.

Kids know the real Santa has a full plate right now.

 

Today's Slice question: Have you ever worn a Santa suit?

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