Let's say you always set off the security alarm at the downtown Spokane Rite Aid. You have talked to store employees about why this happens. They have ruled out your workplace I.D. badge. They say it's not your keys, belt buckle or eyeglasses.

So what could it be?

A) You have forgotten that a metal plate was inserted in your body long ago as part of a surgical procedure. B) Space aliens abducted you and inserted a chip in your person and then erased your memory of the incident. C) The Rite Aid security device just isn't that into you. D) Your magnetic personality. E) You have a foil-wrapped vegetable in your trousers a la the airport scene in "This is Spinal Tap." F) Your dental work gives off radio waves. G) Other.

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