Tomorrow's column is an insignificant bit of fluff, spun from the approach of Earth Day.

I am not mocking Earth Day. I'm just trying to entertain readers for 90 seconds.

But it's a virtual certainty that I will arrive at the office Monday morning and find at least one angry email or text. It will be from an earnest person who felt the need to lecture me about the importance of saving the planet. It will rebuke me for lacking gravitas. Or something.

So how should I respond?

A) "Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I will try to do better." B) "Did you write that email while having coffee Saturday morning with a girl you are trying to impress?" C) "I was not aware that The Slice column trying to have a bit of fun precluded The Spokesman-Review from addressing these issues elsewhere in the paper." D) "Look, kid. I'm sure you regard yourself as a big deal greenie and all. But I used to live in Vermont. I have seen major league progressives up close. Trust me, you're still wading in the kiddie pool. For one thing, by writing to me you are acknowledging that you spent some time with mainstream media, for God's sake." E) "The truth is, I have total respect for the goals of Earth Day. Always have. What I don't respect is unsigned mail." F) "As performance art goes, indignation isn't all that captivating." G) "At least your spelling is better than what I see in angry notes from radical conservatives."  H) Other.

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