Professional figure skaters stake their performances and careers on musical decisions.  For these brave souls, pairing the right song with the right routine can mean the difference between racking up a row of 10’s and having the glitter slapped off their skates on national television.  Critical and complicated as a pro’s song choice may be, every backing tune they select inevitably comes from one of three simple categories.  Let’s take a look at each to learn more:

SAFE 

 Example:  “Jump” by Van Halen

If figure skating is stuck in a decade, it’s the 80’s.  Jump is an old standard from ‘84 that’s weathered the test of time and remains a reliable pick to this day, mainly because of its crushingly appropriate chorus:

“Ah, I might as well jump.  Jump!  Might as well jump.  Go ahead, jump.  Jump!  Go ahead, jump.”

Lyrically, Van Halen is best compared to Raffi, but there’s no denying this song complements a triple axle like Raffi does a kindergartener on Ritalin.  Most skate judges will be easily pacified by Jump, yet few will award it any points for originality, making it a good safe bet.   

Bottom Line:  Best used when all that’s needed is a decent score, and there’s a tape player available. 

RISKY

Example:  “It’s raining men” by the Weather Girls

Quite literally, this song is about a magical night where hunky eligible bachelors fall from the sky.  As such, It’s Raining Men is a gamble with fantastic success and total disaster:

“It’s Raining Men!  Every Specimen!  Tall, blonde, dark and lean.  Rough and tough and strong and mean!”

Whoo!  There’s no denying the anthemic punch here, but it takes a skater of a certain ilk to safely channel the propulsive energy onto the ice:

“It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!  It's Raining Men, Amen! I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get, absolutely soaking wet!”

Yeah!  Coupled with the right performer, these lyrics will have the judges dancing in their seats by the end of the first verse.  Chances are said performer looks fabulous in heavy glitter and has a hint of danger in the seductive glances they throw to the audience.  Unfortunately,  “It’s Raining Men” remains an epic coin toss in the figure skating world; like most people, judges either love The Weather Girls or just don’t get it, regardless of how much glitter is involved.   

Bottom Line:  Brings home the gold or draws a hail of beer bottles.     

DOOMED

Example:  Anything by Johnny Cash

There are certain songs you just don’t figure skate to.  Johnny Cash is all of those songs.  Great as his music was, most of the man’s beats ride like a wagon over rough trail - there’s just not enough space for a skater to weave in and out of the grooves.  Plus the audience probably wouldn’t be able to hear the music over the buzzing sound Johnny’s corpse would make spinning in his grave.    

Bottom Line:  The man in black is oil to a figure skater’s frozen water.  Avoid at all costs. 

And there you have it; three song categories that comprise the entire musical fabric of figure skating.  The next time you hit the shuffle button on your Ipod, try to appreciate the freedom of listening to music at random.  In certain lines of business, not everyone can be so lucky. 

Sources: 

http://www.lyricsondemand.com/onehitwonders/itsrainingmenlyrics.html

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/v/van+halen/jump_20142804.html

 

 

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