The worst of 2005 is a bad lot of celluloid

In Friday’s edition of 7, I list my choices of the top 10 films of the year. But as a preview, let me outline what I see as the Worst Films of 2005:

The absolute bottom of the list was Vincent Gallo’s painful exercise in self-aggrandizement, “The Brown Bunny.” It’s nothing more than a road trip, punctuated by long takes, nonsensical dialogue, Gallo picking up (and dumping) women with flower names (Lilly, Daisy, etc.) and then finishing the film with a long scene that features Chloe Sevigny fellating him.

And, yes, you do see everything. But it’s about as erotic as a Rosie O’Donnell lap dance . If you can sit through it without either (choose one) 1, laughing; 2, barfing; 3, groaning; 4, or throwing something at the television, then you’re a better person than I.

The other worst films of the year are, in no particular order …

“The Fog,” “A Sound of Thunder,” “Nine Songs,” “The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D,” “The Dukes of Hazzard,” “High Tension,” “The Perfect Man,” “Bewitched,” “Kicking and Screaming,” “Monster-in-Law,” “The Pacifier” and “Man of the House.”

The only good thing about the worst of 2005: “Christmas with the Kranks” came out in 2004.

Below: Vincent Gallo and Chloe Sevigny pose at Cannes before a screening of Gallo’s unbelievably bad film “The Brown Bunny.”

AP photo