New Life Party
A friend of mine recently went through a divorce. It seems like the same saga we hear about with disturbing consistency: disagreements over assets; knock-down, drag-out custody battles; endless paperwork and attorneys’ fees; an inability to compromise; and, loads of frustration.
It seems as if it’s becoming more and more common for people to throw divorce parties, especially after the particularly nasty break-ups. The themes I’ve heard are in the realm of “Thank God that’s Over” (though often involving other, more colorful language), and seem to focus on getting drunk enough to black-out the entire marital period. While I can see the value in such an event, I was pleasantly surprised to receive an invitation to a new kind of divorce party.
After signing the paperwork and giving the blood time to dry, this particular friend of mine decided she needed to blow off steam. But rather than celebrate the final severing of a bad relationship, she put a new, more positive spin on her celebration and decided to throw herself a “New Life Party". Invitees were specifically instructed on the evening’s etiquette: no mentions of the dreaded ex, her past relationship was not to be alluded to at all (not even in a congratulatory tone), and black clothing, decorations, and attitudes would not be welcome.
Rather than looking back and heaving a sigh of relief that her poor decision was outlived, she chose to look forward to the rest of her life. Reliving war stories and gripping about “him” was not on the agenda. Clearly, we would feel an undercurrent of things past, but the party was to celebrate new beginnings, the ability to make new choices, and, of course, the fact that she was granted full custody of her three wonderful children.
I write about travel, journeys of geography. I see unlimited value and potential in experiencing new cultures, new people, and new situations. Adventure and unprecedented circumstances often put us in a position to make decisions we would never otherwise be forced to make. We learn about ourselves when these boundaries are pushed, and quite often find we’re tougher than we thought. Sometimes, we realize we’re more fragile and that asking for help can be a good thing. But either way, we walk away from these experiences with a deeper understanding of ourselves and others.
My friend underwent a journey of her own, though geography had no part in her adventure. Her boundaries were expanded beyond what she thought she could endure. She stood up when she was able, and she turned to those who love her when she needed. And now that the journey is over, she is turning again to her friends and family to celebrate and help her start her life anew.
For everyone who has ever gone through a rocky break-up, a divorce party is a great idea. Being able to close the door on the negative aspects of a bad relationship can be very healing. But after hearing about my friend’s version of a divorce party, I’m beginning to wonder if the drunken revelry-type fiestas I’ve attended in the past aren’t just an extension of that same negativity.
