Mr. Smiley Face, meet Mr. Clenched Fist

What’s the clichﾎ, that if you’re mad about something that you should count to 10 and then punch somebody in the face? No, no, that’s not right. I think it’s write down everything on a piece of paper you would want to say to an offending party, then wad the paper up, bronze it and use it to bludgeon that same offending party. No, I don’t think that’s right either.

Whatever, I’m so mad at the moment that I could do one or either of the above. First, on my way to Italy our bags get lost for four days. And now, as I sit here in Minneapolis, having been up for about 20 hours, I’m about to spit because only one of my bags arrived from Milano/Amsterdam. Either KLM lost it at Milano, or Northwest lost it at Amsterdam (one of the same two, along with Alaska, was responsible for the lost outbound bags). Or maybe Coalition Forces claimed it, thinking that it was Weapons of Mass Destruction.

I wasn’t the only one in the baggage claim area so mad that he answered customs questions with gritted teeth (never a good idea). And I wasn’t the only one whose concerns were answered by a Northwest Airlines representative with a smiley face and assurances that, “Oh, just make sure to tell the people in Spokane” (right, as if they’re going to do anything more than take my name and promise to give me coupons if the bag never shows up). And I wasn’t the only one walking away asking himself, “Is this any way to run a business, losing my bags on both ends of the trip?” I’ll bet, though, that I was the only one whose lost bag just happened to be the one with $17 worth of mementos in it (and worth that much only to me). The one that did make it was the one with dirty clothes, of course.

Oh, right, I just thought of the correct clichﾎ: Never get involved in a land war in Asia. Unless, of course, you arm yourself with a bronzed complaint letter.